Blended Families Part 8: “You’re not my dad!” + LINKUP

 

Blended Families Part 8: "You're not my dad!" - "You're not my dad!" "I don't have to listen to you!" "You can't tell me what to do!" I wonder how many times those statements have been made in step-families. Or how about these, "They're your kids, you deal with it!" or "They're my kids, I'll handle it!" How does God expect us to handle these issues?

Blended Families Part 8: “You’re not my dad!”

 

“You’re not my dad!” “I don’t have to listen to you!” “You can’t tell me what to do!” I wonder how many times those statements have been made in step-families.

Or how about these, “They’re your kids, you deal with it!” or “They’re my kids, I’ll handle it!”

How does God expect us to handle these issues? Should the step-parent back off and let the biological parent deal with his or her children? Should we get into a power struggle and make sure the child knows who’s boss? Are children the sole responsibility of their natural parents?

 

We’ve been talking about the challenges blended families face and some of the ways their struggles are common to us all.

In previous posts we’ve talked about favoritism, the goal of the blended family, how to love biblically, and the importance of right priorities, among other subjects. In the last two weeks we’ve talked about angry children and how we sometimes provoke them to anger.

Today we’ll talk about the challenges step-parents face concerning their involvement and authority in their step-children’s lives.

 

“You’re not my dad!”

When a child or teenager makes this statement, the implication is, you have no authority in my life.

And when a step-parent says to his or her spouse, “It’s your problem,” he or she is saying I’ve got no responsibility in this. When the parent says, “Let me deal with it my way,” he or she is saying, “It’s not your place.”

But, is any of that true? Does God’s blueprint for marriage change simply because a couple has been married previously?

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh (Gen. 2.24).

When a man and woman marry, they become one flesh. What she has is his and what he has is hers and not just material things. They are to serve God and do life together (Gen. 2.15-18). And that’s a good thing! In fact, it’s the reason many choose to remarry.

Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward for their labor.
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up (Eccl. 4.9-10).

But it means that neither of them can abdicate responsibility when the going gets tough. The commands given to parents is for both of them.

Ephesians 6.4 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

And Colossians 3.21 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.”

Those commands are:

  • Don’t provoke them to anger (see last week).
  • Bring them up.
  • Discipline them.
  • Instruct them.
  • Don’t exasperate them.

Notice that while because of the one flesh relationship those commands are for both of them, God spoke directly to fathers. Many husbands believe parenting is primarily their wife’s responsibility, but God says dads and step-dads have the ultimate responsibility (Eph. 5.23) and God will hold them accountable just as He did with Adam in the garden (Gen. 3.11).

 

“But the kids hate me!”

I know some of you are thinking, how is that possible when the kids seem to hate me for marrying their mom or dad. And sometimes the other biological parent appears to be doing everything he or she can to undermine your relationship with the children.

It may be true that God has allowed you to be in a difficult situation, but He promises to give you the grace and wisdom to deal with it.

14 Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in allpoints tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need (Heb. 4).

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4.13).

 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways (Jas. 1).

We can count it all joy, not that we’re happy for the problems, but we can be joyful because we understand that God is using it to strengthen and mature us. And when we need wisdom in the midst of it, we can ask and receive it.

When was the last time you went to God in prayer before responding to a challenge to your authority? When was the last time you asked God to give you compassion for that rebellious son or daughter and for wisdom to reach his or her heart?  Continue reading

“Chafing Against the Bible’s Teaching on Women” October 23

 

the Bible's teaching on women“If you’ve got it, flaunt it!” We’ve all heard that saying, but this time it came from a sister in Christ sitting in my counseling office. As we continued to talk about the role of women, this time about submission, she said, “I’m an educated woman! Why should I submit to him?” Since then I’ve heard even worse, but I’ve never forgotten how saddened I was by her statement and the awareness of how much feminism had infiltrated the church of the Living God.

But the truth is, many of us, though we want to live godly lives, chafe against some of the Bible’s teaching on women or passages on modesty or authority. We’re too often tempted to think, “That’s not fair!” or question why God would give us certain commands. So how are we to understand these things?

 

Today’s Readings:
Jeremiah 31 & 32
Psalm 119.49-56
Proverbs 27.20
1 Timothy 2.1-15

 

Chafing against the Bible’s Teaching on Women

 

On Women Teaching, Modesty & Pearls

Verses 9-15:

9 in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, 10 but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works. 11 Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. 12 And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. 15 Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.

I once overheard a conversation between two women at church discussing their Sunday school lesson on the role of the wife and submission. One of them said about their teacher, “I think he actually believes that stuff!”

Ladies, even though we might laugh about a conversation like that, we often struggle to understand and accept God’s Word in some of these areas. We’re a little like the king and the princes Jeremiah encountered (see our O.T. reading). Sometimes we don’t want to believe or accept God’s Word as being true or fair. We would rather lock up the prophet (Jer. 32.2) or cut that part of the scroll off and throw it into the fire (Jer. 36.20-26), at least in practice.

So how can we begin to understand, and more importantly embrace, a passage like this? I believe we need to start with some basic truths about God, His Word, and His character.

Jeremiah 29.11 says, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

Psalm 119.68 says, speaking of God, “You are good, and do good …”

And Galatians 3.28-29 says, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.”

But we must also realize that God is God! He is the all-knowing, all-loving, all-powerful Creator of the Universe and everything in it, including us, and He gets to make the rules!

But if He is good—all the time—and if He loves us and calls us heirs along with men, (so much so that He tells our husbands in 1 Peter 3.7 that their prayers will be hindered if they don’t treat us as such), what does this passage mean?

First, God said to all of us, men and women, to be sure that everything we do points to Him and gives Him glory.

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God (2 Cor. 10.31).

 

Modesty, Gold & Braided Hair

braided hairSo let’s break down our 1 Timothy passage, beginning with “that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation.” The word “adorn” here means to arrange. So, we should arrange ourselves so that our clothing and manner is modest and respectful. That doesn’t mean we must look drab or unattractive.

“… not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.” In the time period in which Paul was writing women would weave gold and other jewelry into their hair in order to attract attention to themselves. Others would wear expensive clothing to show off their wealth. It wasn’t the specific hairstyle or the fact that the clothing was expensive, it was the attitude of the heart Paul was addressing.

Today we might say, “… not with tattoos or designer clothing …” Again, not legalistically saying tattoos or designer clothing are sinful, but what is the attitude of the heart? Where is the tattoo and to what is it designed to draw attention?  Continue reading

“Your Thoughts Run Your Life” October 22

 

your thoughts run your lifeWhat do you think about? What hurts are you nursing? What disappointments? What cares? Will you let Jesus come into those broken places or will you let your thoughts run your life?

 

Today’s Readings:
Jeremiah 29 & 30
Psalm 119.41-48
Proverbs 27.19
1 Timothy 1.1-20

 

Your Thoughts Run Your Life

 

Proverbs 27.19:

Are wrong thoughts running your life?

“As in water face reflects face, so a man’s heart reveals the man.”

The heart is mentioned 830 times in Scripture, referring to the inner man. It’s who we are—our mind, our will, our emotions, our intellect.

Proverbs 4.23 says, “Keep your heart with all diligence for out of it spring the issues of life.”

And the NASB says:

“Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.”

But the NCV says it even plainer:

“Be careful what you think, your thoughts run your life.”

What are you allowing into your heart? What thoughts are you allowing to simmer there? What video tapes are you replaying for yourself, instead of thinking as God wants you to think?

Thoughts are not harmless. What we read and watch is not harmless. Guard your heart with all diligence!

 

Today’s Other Readings:

 

Jeremiah 29 & 30:

An Incurable Affliction

Chapter 30 contains one of the most descriptive pictures of the spiritual condition of the nation of Israel, followed by God’s amazing promise. It’s also a picture of our spiritual condition apart from Christ and the redemption He purchased for us at the cross. Think about each phrase as you reread it: Continue reading

“Truth & Lies” October 21

 

False ProphetsJesus called Satan the father of lies and He warned the religious leaders of His day that they were listening to the wrong voice. In the garden Satan sold Eve a bill of goods and in Jeremiah’s day, he spoke through false prophets who told the people that the consequences of their sin wouldn’t be so bad. False teachers and false prophets are saying much the same thing today. Others may propagate lies because they are misinformed and listening to the wrong voice.

 

Today’s Readings:
Jeremiah 27 & 28
Psalm 119.33-40
Proverbs 27.18
2 Thessalonians 3.1-18

 

Truth & Lies

 

Jeremiah 27 & 28:

False prophets

In the garden the serpent told Eve, “You will not surely die!” In other words, your disobedience won’t result in painful consequences.

As if to make His point that the devil is a liar, God recorded pages and pages of genealogy and after each name it says, “… and he died and was buried with his fathers.”

In Jeremiah’s day, false prophets told the people that the consequences of their sin wouldn’t be so bad, but it too, was a lie.

Today, the false prophets may not look as obvious, but they’re out there. They’re preachers and teachers. They’re counselors, psychologists and therapists. They’re teachers and university professors. They’re politicians and judges and activists and Planned Parenthood employees.

 

They Prophesy Falsely …

They prophesy falsely when they say, “The Bible isn’t all true. It’s just a book of myths.”

But God says:

Knowing this first, that no prophecy of Scripture is of any private interpretation, for prophecy never came by the will of man, but holy men of God spoke as they were moved by the Holy Spirit (2 Pet. 1.20-21).

All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness (2 Tim. 3.16).

Or, when they say “Jesus was a good man, but not God.”

But Jesus said “I and My Father are one (Jn. 10.30).”

He can’t be both a good man and a liar.

Or, “Jesus loves everyone just the way you are. There’s no need to change.”

The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand. Repent, and believe in the gospel (Mk. 1.15).

They prophesy falsely every time they say to an unrepentant sinner, “You don’t need to feel guilty. You need to do what’s right for you.”

Guilt is not always a bad thing. Apart from Christ we’re all guilty, so guilty that the only remedy was for Jesus to die in our place! Often the guilt and consequences are the very things God uses to draw people to Himself.

2 Corinthians 7.9-10 says:

9 I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that you were made sorrowful to the point of repentance; for you were made sorrowful according to the will of God, so that you might not suffer loss in anything through us. 10 For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.

They prophesy falsely every time they say to a young woman, “You won’t suffer any problems as a result of this abortion.”

But to those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness—indignation and wrath,tribulation and anguish, on every soul of man who does evil, of the Jew first and also of the Greek; 10 but glory, honor, and peace to everyone who works what is good (Rom. 2.8-10).

Or “Just accept who you are. You were born that way.”

We were all born sinners though we’re inclined to sin in different ways, but that’s precisely why we need a Savior.

And He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again (2 Cor. 5.15).

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new (2 Cor. 5.17).

Or when they question God by asking, “What kind of a God let’s all these bad things happen?” As if God is obligated to bless a people who have denied His right to rule them!

But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips (Job 2.10).

Or, even, when they say, “Just ask Jesus into your heart” without talking about the need to repent and turn away from sin.

Joel 2.12 says, “Now, therefore,” says the Lord, “Turn to Me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning.”

And Jesus said, “I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance” (Lk. 26.20).

And Acts 26.20 says, “… and even to the Gentiles, that they should repent and turn to God, performing deeds appropriate to repentance.”

It’s not that it’s wrong to pray a prayer of salvation, but it isn’t a “magic formula.” Each person needs to first understand and accept the gospel: that Jesus died for guilty sinners, that He rose from the dead so that we can have new life, and that He is Lord not just Savior (Rom. 10.9-10).

prayerThe acceptance of that truth may be expressed in a prayer. It may happen in a church pew, at an altar, in a home, an alley, or a hospital bed. It may happen as the Word is preached, as the gospel is shared one on one, or as the Spirit of God brings gospel truth to remembrance. It may look very different from one life to the next, but in some way an understanding of our inability to redeem ourselves (Rom. 3.10-12, 23, 6.23), that Christ died the death we deserved (Rom. 5.8), and that He offers us salvation as a free gift (Rom. 6.23; Eph. 2.8-9) must come alive.

If you’re reading this and that truth is coming alive in your heart, talk to God. No fancy words are required. Admit you’re a sinner and ask Him to forgive you, accept what He did for you and ask for His help to live a life that’s pleasing to Him. It’s that simple.

 

As for the False Teachers …

And as for the false teachers … there will come a time when some will hear what Hananiah heard at the end of 28.15-17:  Continue reading

“Abortion, Unborn Babies & the Tribulation” October 20

 

Will God forgive an abortion?Is there forgiveness for an abortion or are there some sins for which we never find redemption? What if you’re contemplating an abortion?

Also read about the Rapture, the Tribulation, and how believers can be a part of what God is doing in the world.

 

Today’s Readings:
Jeremiah 25 & 26
Psalm 119.25-32
Proverbs 27.17
2 Thessalonians 2.1-17

 

Abortion, Unborn Babies & the Tribulation

 

2 Thessalonians 2.1-17:

Unborn Babies & the Tribulation

Here in chapter 2 Paul begins talking about some of the events that will take place leading up to the “Day of the Lord.” He speaks of a “falling away,” “the man of sin,” and “the son of perdition.”

About this man of sin he says:

He “… opposes and exalts himself above all that is called God or that is worshiped, so that he sits as God in the temple of God, showing himself that he is God” (v. 4).

And, “The coming of the lawless one is according to the working of Satan, with all power, signs, and lying wonders, and with all unrighteous deception among those who perish, because they did not receive the love of the truth, that they might be saved” (vv. 9-10).

Once the church has been raptured, a man will come to power. He will look to many to be a savior. He’ll appear to be a man of peace, but he will be an impostor. He is sometimes called the anti-Christ. He is not the devil himself, but he will be controlled by the devil.

The rapture will be followed by a seven-year period called “the Tribulation.” During the first 3 ½ years anti-Christ will keep up much of his charade as he consolidates his power, but mid-way through the Tribulation, he will go into the rebuilt Jewish temple in Jerusalem and set himself up to be worshiped, as Paul said “he sits as God in the temple of God.”

Daniel called this the “abomination of desolation” (Daniel 11-12) and Jesus used the same phrase in talking about the events of the last days (Matt. 24.15; Mk. 13.14). This will set in motion the events leading up to the 2nd Coming of Christ—the “Day of the Lord.”

While it’s clear that no one knows the day or the time, it’s probably much closer than many want to believe! In the meantime, we need to be praying and interceding for our nation just as Daniel did for his. Pray for the repentance of our people and godly wisdom for our leaders.

And be part of His faithful remnant. Seek to be on God’s side concerning the issues that matter to Him. One way is to stand up for the lives of the thousands and thousands of babies who are being murdered legally in this country and around the world. Otherwise, their blood is on our hands.

9 Then the LORD said to Cain, “Where is Abel your brother?” And he said, “I do not know. Am I my brother’s keeper?” 10 He said, “What have you done? The voice of your brother’s blood is crying to Me from the ground. 11 Now you are cursed from the ground, which has opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand.

Even if we are not directly involved in the abortion industry (and it is an industry, producing a great deal of wealth for those participating), we cannot look the other way. We are our brothers’ keepers. Will we stand with God when their blood is crying out to Him?


abortionA note to anyone who has had an abortion or is contemplating one:

Are there some sins so unforgivable that there is no hope? What does the Bible say? What if I can’t forgive myself? What if I was a Christian when I had an abortion?

First, if you’re reading this and are contemplating an abortion. Please go to a godly friend, a pastor or Christian Pregnancy Help Center. No matter what your situation, there is help. God loves you and your baby and He doesn’t want you to do something you’ll regret for the rest of your life. If you don’t know where to go or who to talk to, leave me your name and number or email in the comments section. I WILL NOT publish your comment, but I will contact you and help you find the support you need.

But, if you have had an abortion in the past don’t run from God, turn to Him. No where in the Bible does it say we must forgive ourselves. Instead, we must be willing to humble ourselves, confess our sin to God, and accept His gracious gift of forgiveness.

Every one of us has committed sins against God and all sin is deserving of death (Rom. 3.23, 6.23), but the good news of the gospel is that Jesus died for guilty sinners LIKE ME and YOU! Go and read John 3.16. Then open your bible to the book of Romans.

There is forgiveness for an abortion! But you must go to God and admit your sin. Admit that you know you deserve to die (Rom. 6.23). Read Romans 3.23, 6.23, 5.8, 10.9-10, 13). Tell Him that you believe what Jesus did for you. He lived a sinless life and then willingly died in your place. Then call out to Him! Ask for His forgiveness. Surrender your life completely to Him and ask Him to help you live for Him (2 Cor. 5.15).

What if you were already a Christian when you had an abortion? Is there forgiveness available to you? Being a Christian isn’t a license to sin and we can’t sin with our fingers crossed behind our backs and then use His grace like a “get-out-of-jail-card,” but if you are sincerely repentant for what you did, He will forgive you (1 Jn. 1.9)!

In either situation, I strongly urge you to seek help and counseling from a Biblical counselor or Christian Pregnancy Help Center.

 

Today’s Other Readings:

 

Jeremiah 25 & 26:

Working and praying or just criticizing?

Here in Jeremiah 25 God tells the people that they will be taken into captivity for 70 years. Later in Daniel 9 we will read the following:  Continue reading

Blended Families Part 7: Provoking Children to Anger + LINKUP

 

Blended Families Part 7: Provoking Children to Anger

 

Blended Families Part 7: Provoking Children to Anger

 

We’ve been talking about the challenges blended families face and some of the ways their struggles are common to us all.

In previous posts we’ve talked about favoritism, the goal of the blended family, how to love biblically, and the importance of right priorities, among other subjects.

Last week we talked about angry children. But we can’t talk about angry children without asking ourselves if there are things we might be doing, intentionally or unintentionally, that provoke our children to anger.

Ephesians 6.4 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

And Colossians 3.21 says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.”

While each of us, including our children, is responsible for his or her behavior, we can’t read those two verses without admitting we can make it easier for our children to become angry or exasperated.

Last week, we talked about the seed of hurt that can grow into anger, bitterness and, even, full-blown rebellion in our children. While the hurt can come as a result of wrong perceptions, assumptions or misunderstandings, it can also come as a result of sin on the part of one or more parents or step-parents.

Lou Priolo in his book, The Heart of Anger, lists 25 ways parents provoke their children to anger. Most of these apply to blended families, biological families, single parent families, even grandparents or others who are raising children. Here’s Lou’s list:

  1. By a lack of marital harmony
  2. Establishing and maintaining a child-centered home
  3. Modeling sinful anger
  4. Habitually disciplining while angry
  5. Scolding
  6. Being inconsistent with discipline
  7. Having double standards
  8. Being legalistic
  9. Not admitting you’re wrong and not asking for forgiveness
  10. Constantly finding fault
  11. Parents reversing God-given roles
  12. Not listening to your child’s opinion or taking his or her “side of the story” seriously
  13. Comparing them to others
  14. Not making time just to talk
  15. Not praising or encouraging your child
  16. Failing to keep your promises
  17. Chastening in front of others
  18. Not allowing enough freedom
  19. Allowing too much freedom
  20. Mocking your child
  21. Abusing them physically
  22. Ridiculing or name calling
  23. Unrealistic expectations
  24. Practicing favoritism
  25. Child training with worldly methodologies inconsistent with God’s Word

While these can and do apply to children and parents in all kinds of families, what might they look like in a blended family? Let’s expand on a few:  Continue reading

The Most Important Election of Our Lifetime?

 

This Election ... the Most Important in Our Lifetime?

 

The Most Important Election in Our Lifetime?

 

Almost everyone I talk to is disgusted and disheartened about the condition of our nation, the election, and the candidates.  Social media is full of disparaging comments, photos, and videos asking the question, “Is this the best we could come up with?”

The temptation for many of us is to turn away from the whole process, but could this be the most important election in our lifetime?

 

My Old Testament reading today was from Jeremiah 9 & 10. As I was working on today’s daily post, I found myself looking once again at truths that speak to us and to this election. The daily post kept getting longer and longer so I’m sending it out late and separately.

 

Jeremiah 9 & 10:

Sin, Lies & Politics

Jeremiah  is often called the weeping prophet. He was heartbroken over the spiritual and moral condition of his nation. In chapter 9 he said:

Oh, that I had in the wilderness
A lodging place for travelers;
That I might leave my people,
And go from them!
For they are all adulterers,
An assembly of treacherous men.

“And like their bow they have bent their tongues for lies.
They are not valiant for the truth on the earth.
For they proceed from evil to evil,
And they do not know Me,” says the Lord.

We don’t use bows and arrows today, but we have all seen them. We understand how the bow is loaded with the arrow and then pulled back and fired at the target. In fact, the bow’s sole purpose is to launch arrows.

This was a picture of people whose lives were characterized by lies. Just like the bow is known for shooting arrows, so these people were known for a life of deceit. Jeremiah goes on to say,

“They weary themselves to commit iniquity” (9.5).

In our nation, it seems like every day there are new allegations and demonstrations of ungodly behavior on the part of one or both of our candidates … everything from cover-ups and deleted emails to so called “locker room talk.”

And, at least in one party, it appears systemic. Even those connected to the candidate “weary themselves to commit iniquity.”

If you can believe the most recently leaked emails, (even the writers aren’t denying their truth, only attacking the source), the political elite have contempt and disgust for people of faith.

Like many of our politicians, the people of Jeremiah’s day thought they were so wise (9.12). Perhaps, like today, they thought the religion of their fathers was for the weak and the unenlightened. We shouldn’t be surprised. 1 Corinthians 1 says:  Continue reading

Blended Families Part 6: Angry Children + LINKUP

 

Blended Families Part 6: Angry Children - We’ve all seen them, or experienced them, blended families with angry, resentful children or teens. And parents who are just trying to “live through it” until the kids are old enough to leave home. In some cases, the children aren’t only angry, but are in full blown rebellion. I don't have to tell you this falls far short of God's best for families. How does this happen when couples start out with such high hopes for their marriages and families?

 

Blended Families Part 6: Angry Children

 

We’ve been talking about the challenges blended families face and some of the ways their struggles are common to us all.

In previous posts we’ve talked about favoritism, the goal of the blended family, how to love biblically, and the importance of right priorities, among other subjects.

Today we’re going to talk about angry children.

 

We’ve all seen them, or experienced them, blended families with angry, resentful children or teens. And parents who are just trying to “live through it” until the kids are old enough to leave home. In some cases, the children aren’t only angry, but are in full blown rebellion. I don’t have to tell you this falls far short of God’s best for families.

How does this happen when couples start out with such high hopes for their marriages and families?

 

It starts with a seed.

 

It starts with a seed and that seed is a hurt.

… who can bear a broken spirit? (Prov. 18.14b)

The hurt often comes as a result of sin on the part of one or more parents or step-parents, but not always.

It can be real or, sometimes, only imagined. Things like:

  • A step-father trying to take a father’s place.
  • Unfair treatment by a parent or step-parent.
  • Desertion or rejection by one or more parents.
  • Favoritism toward a sibling or step-sibling.
  • The loss of friends or extended family.

If it’s not dealt with in a biblical way, the seed will grow into a root of bitterness.

 Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many (Heb. 12.15 NLT).

The child cultivates that seed by playing the offense over and over in his or her mind. He thinks about how unfair it is, how he wishes things were different, or how he wants his old life back. As he does he’s nurturing and watering it. The seed grows into a bitter root and that root, if not addressed biblically, will spring up into an ugly bush.

We’ve all tasted something bitter. It’s sharp to the tongue and leaves a bad taste.

A bitter person, child or adult, is sharp with others, even when the other people are trying to be kind or loving. Pretty soon other family members are avoiding unnecessary interaction, fueling more anger and bitterness.

Bitterness, if not dealt with grows into anger. This kind of anger is not the occasional outburst that comes from various provocations, life events, or frustrations, but an angry disposition that begins to characterize their lives.

Allowed to remain, it can quickly grow into stubbornness or what some might call insubordination. Imagine the proverbial donkey with her front hooves dug into the ground while her master tries to move her forward. A stubborn son or daughter is uncooperative, often refusing to take part in family events, interact with others, or obey her parents.

For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft,
And stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry (1 Sam. 15.23a).

Stubbornness is idolatrous because the stubborn person thinks she is god of her own life. What makes her happy is getting her own way.

But sadly, stubbornness is not the end of the road for someone on this downward spiral. Stubbornness can lead to the next step, full blown rebellion. A rebel is someone who has become a fool in God’s eyes. He or she refuses to be under authority, especially, the authority of his or her parents.

Look at some of the characteristics of a fool from the book of Proverbs:  Continue reading

Blended Families Series + LINKUP

 

Blended Families + LINKUP

 

Blended Families Series + LINKUP

 

There’s no new blended family post this week, as I’m traveling and couldn’t have it ready on time. So here is the linkup. Stop back by next Sunday for the part 6 in the series, “Provocative Parents & Angry Children.”

Here’s a list of the previous posts in the series, in case you haven’t read them all:

Blended Families Part 1: The Losses & the Gains

Blended Families Part 2: The Same Only Different

Blended Families Part 3: Loving Not Liking Each Other

Blended Families Part 4: The Goal of Life

Blended Families Part 5: Favoritism & Other 4-Letter Words

Some of the subjects I’ll cover in future blogs:

Blended families in the Bible
How to prepare your children for being in a blended family
Damage control—healing the mistakes
Dealing with in-laws and out-laws
Helping your child be part of the “other” blended family
Dealing with “exes”
You’re not my dad!
Your questions, please share them in the comments section.


 

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