Marriage: Made in Heaven? Part 10 “Resolving Conflict” + LINKUP

 

Marriage: Made in Heaven? Part 10 "Resolving Conflict" - Conflicts and disagreements happen in the best of marriages, but what happens when we aren't resolving conflict biblically?Conflicts and disagreements happen in the best of marriages, but what happens when we aren’t resolving conflict biblically?

Welcome to Mondays @ Soul Survival.

 

Marriage: Made in Heaven? Part 10 “Resolving Conflict”

 

In the first few weeks of this study we talked about some of the key components of marriage, then we covered the wife’s role and submission. Last week I shared a video by my husband Mike. His explanation of biblical decision making has helped many couples understand how to honor God in an area that can be difficult.

Mike uses a 4-way stop intersection to explain both the husband’s and wife’s roles and the responsibility each of them have to not allow differences to escalate into conflict.

But what happens when couples don’t seek to resolve problems biblically? And why is it so hard, even when we know what we should do? Look at James 4 for a minute:

What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask (Jas. 4.1-2 NASB).

Lust isn’t just about sexual desires. It can be the result of any strongly held desire. When we lust sexually, we’re so controlled by the desire for sexual pleasure that we’re willing to sin by going outside of God’s ordained will to obtain it.

When we lust after other things, we fight and quarrel, rather than resolving problems biblically. The things we want have become controlling desires and we, too, are willing to sin to get them.

Lustful desires might be having the house we want, spending money on a certain purchase, being in control, spending holidays or other times with our biological family, raising our kids a certain way, or a host of other things.

Even good things can become lusts if we’re willing to sin to get them or to hang on to them.

 

Unresolved Conflicts

 

Sometimes, when conflicts arise we go on the attack, verbally or physically.

Sometimes, we put up the “do not enter” sign. Our spouse learns that attempts to discuss the matter lead to anger, withdrawal, tears, or various forms of withdrawal. So conflict goes unresolved.

Sometimes, one spouse or the other is a controller. He or she may control through manipulation (tears, anger, withholding sex or affection) or fear and intimidation. It’s “one way, my way.”  Continue reading

“Shame, Dishonor & Consequences” January 5

 

Shame, Dishonor & Consequences - The Bible calls Noah a righteous man, yet he was barely off the ark before he had sinned by getting drunk. Two of his sons responded righteously, but one did not. What does the Bible say about drunkenness and how should we respond to the sins of others, especially those closest to us?The Bible calls Noah a righteous man, yet he was barely off the ark before he had sinned by getting drunk. Two of his sons responded righteously, but one did not. What does the Bible say about drunkenness and how should we respond to the sins of others, especially those closest to us?

We’ll also talk about being made in the image of God, the quality of our “salt,” the importance of reconciliation, what it looks like to live in the kingdom of God, and driving under the influence.

 

Today’s Readings:
Genesis 9 & 10
Psalm 3.5-8
Proverbs 1.23-27
Matthew 5.1-26

 

Shame, Dishonor & Consequences

 

Genesis 9 & 10:

Let him that thinks he stands, take heed lest he fall!

 

It didn’t take mankind long to sin again, did it?! Noah and his family are barely out of the ark when Noah gets drunk and acts foolishly. When he does, his son Ham can’t resist the urge to look at him in a disrespectful way.

Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary says about chapter 9.18-23:

“The drunkenness of Noah is recorded in the Bible, with that fairness which is found only in the Scripture, … to show that the best of men cannot stand upright, unless they depend upon Divine grace, and are upheld thereby. Ham … probably rejoiced to find his father in an unbecoming situation. It was said of Noah, that he was perfect in his generations, chapter 6.9; but this is meant of sincerity, not of a sinless perfection. Noah, who had kept sober in drunken company, is now drunk in sober company. Let him that thinks he stands, take heed lest he fall.”

That last statement is a quote from 1 Corinthians 10.12. We need to be very careful not to think of ourselves as better than someone else or above sinning in some area, especially in our own strength. We must learn to continually rely on God and His strength.

Matthew Henry goes on: Continue reading

“Good Doctrine Matters” September 12

 

Good Doctrine Matters - Good doctrine ... there I said it ... the "D" word. It seems like, in many churches, we're afraid of the word and of calling other biblical concepts by their traditional or biblical names. I understand the value of making preaching and teaching relevant. But have we gone to such lengths to avoid using biblical terminology that we're at risk of producing a generation of biblical illiterates?Good doctrine … there I said it … the “D” word. It seems like, in many churches, we’re afraid of the word and of calling other biblical concepts by their traditional or biblical names. I understand the value of making preaching and teaching relevant. But have we gone to such lengths to avoid using biblical terminology that we’re at risk of producing a generation of biblical illiterates?

According to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary, doctrine is, “a set of ideas or beliefs that are taught or believed to be true.” Biblical doctrine is made up of the ideas and beliefs that the Bible teaches to be true. It’s the Bible carefully studied and understood.

Good doctrine matters because what we believe about God, His sovereignty, and His dealings with those He loves, determines how we’ll respond to the tests and trials of life among other things. It also determines whether or not we witness, how we interact with others, especially our spouses and children, and whether or not we have peace at the end of our lives. Good doctrine matters more than we know.

 

Today’s Readings:
Isaiah 15 & 16
Psalm 106.24-31
Proverbs 25.8-10
2 Corinthians 4.1-18

 

Good doctrine matters!

 

2 Corinthians 4.1-18:

Good Doctrine Concerning Tests & Trials

 

One area where good doctrine is vitally important concerns the tests and trials we experience in life. Look at what Paul had to say about his own:

Verses 1, 7-10:

1 Therefore, since we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we do not lose heart:

7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. 8 We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— 10 always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.

Many today come to God with a “what can He do for me” attitude. That attitude is fed by the popular “health and prosperity doctrine.” It’s a doctrine with great appeal, but it has a nasty downside.

What if you believe God will give you whatever you desire if you just have enough faith?

What if you believe God always wants His children healed physically, guarantees that our children will grow up to serve Him, and gives us freedom from all hardship?

Then … what if … God doesn’t make you rich or heal your body? What if your child gets sick? What if you continue to struggle financially? What if your husband doesn’t get saved or come back home or never changes? What if the man of your dreams doesn’t appear? What if you suffer physically? What if your children rebel?  Continue reading

“Family Feuds & Sissies” June 13

 

Family Feuds & Sissies - Fighting and disagreements within a family can be some of the most difficult to settle, but God places a high priority on unity and peace within our biological families and within the family of God. Sadly, very few have the strength of character to do what is required in the midst of family feuds, spiritual or biological.Fighting and disagreements within a family can be some of the most difficult to settle, but God places a high priority on unity and peace within our biological families and within the family of God. Sadly, very few have the strength of character to do what is required in the midst of family feuds, spiritual or biological.


Today’s Readings:
2 Kings 14
Psalm 73.10-20
Proverbs 18.18-19
John 20.1-31

 

Family Feuds & Sissies

 

Proverbs 18.18-19:

Verse 19, “A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle.”

If you have ever witnessed or been a part of a family feud, you know they can last for years, partly because of the intensity of the emotional ties. So we must seek to avoid unnecessary conflict within our families.

Family feuds are often over money, favoritism, or failure to take responsibilities seriously.  Continue reading

September 12 “Good doctrine matters!”

truth, torn paper

Good doctrine matters because what we believe about God, His sovereignty, and His dealings with those He loves determines how we’ll respond to the tests and trials of life.

Today’s Readings:
Isaiah 15 & 16
Psalm 106.24-31
Proverbs 25.8-10
2 Corinthians 4.1-18

Isaiah 15 & 16:

Judgment against gentile nations

Isaiah not only warned God’s people of coming judgment, but he also warned of His judgment against other nations.

Moab was a nation that descended from Abraham’s nephew Lot through incest with his daughter. This prophecy warned of the destruction of their land and resources, as well as, coming military defeat.

more, greed, discontentPsalm 106.24-31:

Despising God’s blessings

Verses 24-25, “Then they despised the pleasant land; they did not believe His word, but complained in their tents …”

These verses contrast believing God’s word with a lack of contentment (they despised the pleasant land—God’s blessing) and complaining. We’re faced with the same choice. Are we going to be thankful or discontent? Are we going to trust God and enjoy His blessings or are we going to be constantly wanting more? Continue reading

June 13 “On Family Feuds & Sissies”

Fighting and disagreements within a family can be some of the most difficult to settle. But God places a high priority on unity and peace within our biological families and within the family of God.

family feud

Today’s Readings:
2 Kings 14
Psalm 73.10-20
Proverbs 18.18-19
John 20.1-31

2 Kings 14:

He started well, but …

Amaziah started out well. Verse 3 says, “He did what was right in the sight of the Lord.” He even followed the Mosaic Law by not punishing the children of the men who had murdered his father. Then God gave him victory in battle over the Edomites. Instead of giving glory to God, he was lifted up in pride over that victory and challenged the king of Israel to war. It led to his defeat, the destruction of part of Jerusalem, the plundering of the temple, and the taking of hostages.

While pride was a huge factor, 2 Chronicles 25.14-16 gives us some additional insight: Continue reading

January 6 “One reason our work may not be blessed”

Cross

Have you wondered why God doesn’t seem to be blessing some endeavor? Could it be that you failed to seek His wisdom beforehand and, merely, asked Him to bless it after the fact?

Today’s Readings:
Genesis 11 & 12
Psalm 4.1-3
Proverbs 1.28-33
Matthew 5.27-48

Genesis 11 & 12:

Hey, by the way, God …

In chapter 11 we have the story of the Tower of Babel. Verses 3-4:

Then they said to one another, “Come, let us make bricks and bake them thoroughly.” They had brick for stone, and they had asphalt for mortar. And they said, “Come, let us build ourselves a city, and a tower whose top is in the heavens; let us make a name for ourselves, lest we be scattered abroad over the face of the whole earth.”

God had told them to scatter and repopulate the earth; instead they decided to build a city and a tower to make a name for themselves. The tower itself wasn’t the real problem; the real issue was pride and rebellion against God’s command.

So the Lord confused their languages and forced them to scatter. He knew what they were doing would not bring them closer to Him, but would lead them into idolatry. So He frustrated their building project.

It makes you wonder how often we set out on some venture without seeking God. We may pray, but almost as an afterthought, asking God to get on board with our plans. Then we can’t understand why He isn’t blessing our work.

Notice also in chapter 11 that life spans had been shortened. Some believe the water that rained down during the flood came from a canopy of water that surrounded the earth, protecting it from the sun’s harmful rays. Once it was gone, aging took place much more rapidly. (Makes you want to get out that sunscreen!) Continue reading

January 5 “Out of the salt shaker & into the world”

Salt shaker

What is the quality of the salt in your life? Is it pure? Does it flavor and heal or is it full of impurities?

Today’s Readings:
Genesis 9 & 10
Psalm 3.5-8
Proverbs 1.23-27
Matthew 5.1-26

Genesis 9 & 10:

Drunkenness, shame, & dishonor

It didn’t take mankind long to sin again, did it?! Noah and his family are barely out of the ark when Noah gets drunk and acts foolishly. When he does, his son Ham can’t resist the urge to look at him in a disrespectful way. Continue reading