While adultery is not the unforgivable sin, the effects of adultery are devastating. Whether someone is the perpetrator or the victim, lives are turned upside-down. Maybe it’s happened to you. If you’re the one who was sinned against, you know those things to be true. But what if you’re the one who committed adultery? Or what if you’re struggling with the temptation now?
Welcome, to “God’s Word Day by Day” where I blog through the Bible in a Year. I hope you’ll join me every day. If you’re not already signed up, you can do it here. This year I’ve added a couple of new features. First, check out the “Free Resources” tab at the top. You’ll find a downloadable, printable PDF with “Going Deeper Study Questions” for each day’s post. And … this year you’ll find the daily “Bible in a Year” posts on YouTube. The daily emails now have a link to both the Soul Survival posts here and the YouTube videos. I hope you’ll sign up. (If you already receive them, no need to sign up again.)
Today’s Readings:
Exodus 25 & 26
Psalm 19.7-14
Proverbs 6.32-35
Matthew 24.1-28
To the Victim of Adultery & the Would-Be Adulterer
Proverbs 6.32-35
The Devastation of Adultery
Today’s reading:
32 Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding;
He who does so destroys his own soul.
33 Wounds and dishonor he will get,
And his reproach will not be wiped away.
34 For jealousy is a husband’s fury;
Therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance.
35 He will accept no recompense,
Nor will he be appeased though you give many gifts.
Most of us have been affected by the sin of adultery in some way, whether personally or through family members and friends. While I have seen many marriages restored and even made better, the journey is hard and in many cases, restoration never happens. Instead, families, children, finances, and testimonies are destroyed.
If you’re the spouse who was sinned against, I don’t have to tell you about the pain, the sense of betrayal, the devastation it causes. You’re forced to watch the damage trickle down on your children, your home, and sometimes, even your trust in God.
Christian Platitudes
I don’t want to offer you Christian platitudes. It’s too easy to say, “God will use everything for good,” or “this happened for a reason,” or even, “just get over it and move on.” Though those statements may be well-meant, they are often the last things you want to hear.
There is truth in the statement that “God will use everything for good” (Rom. 8.28), but when it’s isolated from a larger understanding of God and His character, it often fails to bring any peace or comfort.
Also, to say God can use all things for good does not mean that everything is good. Even for the good to take place, there are conditions to be met and the good may not be what feels good to us. For us to heal and grow from the place of betrayal, instead of becoming bitter and angry, we must gain a greater understanding of God, how He works, what He might be up to, and how He desires for you to respond to being sinned against in such a horrible way.
I would encourage you to talk to your pastor or find a biblical counselor to walk alongside you and your children. You can contact The Association of Certified Biblical Counselors to find a counselor in your area.
Resources for Healing after Adultery
I would also like to recommend a couple of resources that can help you tremendously. The first is a slim booklet entitled Bitterness: The Root That Pollutes by Lou Priolo. Don’t let its size fool you. It’s packed with truth that can set you free not just from the anger and bitterness that results from adultery, but from the multitude of sins and circumstances we’re all faced with daily.
Another is a booklet entitled HELP! My Spouse Has Been Unfaithful. And the last is another resource by Lou Priolo called Picking Up the Pieces.
You might, also, want to read an earlier post entitled, “When You’ve Been Betrayed.”
To the Adulterer or Would-Be Adulterer
Many sins have the consequences already built in. Adultery is certainly one of them. Thinking we can fool around with any kind of sexual immorality without devastating consequences is like thinking we can jump off a building and not have gravity affect us!
If there is one area where the Bible has strong warnings, it has to do with our relationships, especially the dangers of sexual immorality.
But there is an even greater consequence. That is the effect it has on our relationship with God.
Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding and he who does so destroys his own soul (v. 32).
Notice the last part of that verse, “he who does so destroys his own soul.”
Let’s look at some of the verses we covered earlier in Proverbs.
Strong Warnings
Proverbs 6:
23 For the commandment is a lamp,
And the law a light;
Reproofs of instruction are the way of life,
24 To keep you from the evil woman,
From the flattering tongue of a seductress.
25 Do not lust after her beauty in your heart,
Nor let her allure you with her eyelids.
26 For by means of a harlot
A man is reduced to a crust of bread;
And an adulteress will prey upon his precious life.
27 Can a man take fire to his bosom,
And his clothes not be burned?
28 Can one walk on hot coals,
And his feet not be seared?
29 So is he who goes in to his neighbor’s wife;
Whoever touches her shall not be innocent.
Those are strong warnings!
Solomon is writing to his son, so he addresses it to a young man, but the same principles apply whether you’re a man or a woman.
The Damage
Can a man or a woman take fire to his or her bosom and not be burned? The answer is “no.” The damage done by adultery is greater than you can imagine, including serious damage to your relationships with your children and extended family, the ruin of your reputation, financial devastation, shame on the name of Christ, damage to the other person’s family and reputation, and the list goes on.
Adultery is not the unforgivable sin, but forgiveness doesn’t come without confession and repentance (including turning from our sin). As with any life-dominating sin, we must not think we can continue in it willfully, which is like shaking our fists at God, and thinking our relationship with Him will not be affected. Guilt, anxiety, and a lack of assurance of salvation are just some of the results. And, if not repented of, it will eventually result in God’s discipline (Heb. 12.5-17).
If you have committed adultery in the past and have never confessed your sin or if you are involved in an adulterous relationship now, I urge you to repent, break off any ongoing relationship, and seek biblical counseling from a counselor or pastor so you can be restored in your relationship with God and others.
As an Ox to the Slaughter
If you have been flirting or toying with the idea or if you are married (or the other person is) and you have been developing a friendship with someone of the opposite sex or someone with whom you have a same-sex attraction, you are standing on the edge of a cliff.
The added danger is that the powerful emotions involved can act like a blindfold. I encourage you to read the entire chapter, but for now, look at these phrases from Proverbs 7 about the adulterous woman, “she entices him,” “suddenly he follows her as an ox goes to the slaughter, or … to the discipline of a fool,” “until an arrow pierces through his liver,” “he does not know that it will cost him his life.”
Remember, these apply to men and women. You need to repent, break off that relationship immediately, and find someone to hold you accountable to live righteously from now on.
You may be thinking, you don’t know the person I’m involved with, he’s my soulmate or she understands me like my spouse never has. This is the person I was meant to be with. You may believe that but the devil has laid a trap and he knew exactly what bait to use (Jas. 1.14-15).
Please, don’t take this lightly! There is more riding on this than you can possibly imagine! (See Ps. 66:18; 2 Cor. 13:5; Jas. 2:26; all of 1 Jn.)
Christians & Non-Christians
I addressed this primarily to Christians who have sinned or who are contemplating sexual sin. And yes, Christians can and do sin in this way. When we do, God deals with us as any good parent does his or her children with appropriate discipline.
But if you are not a follower of Christ, you have an even bigger problem. Whether you are the one guilty of sexual immorality or the one who was the victim, you have a problem that only a relationship with Jesus Christ can fix.
In reality, we have all committed adultery against God (Jas. 4.4-5). Read Romans 3. If you would like to know more, please read this post and watch the video that is posted there: “Could You Be a Christian in Name Only?” Then find a good, Bible-teaching church and attend. Talk to someone there about your relationship with God. Or email me and I’ll be glad to answer any questions or help you get connected with someone who can encourage you.
* I have also posted a 2-minute video at the bottom of this post.
Today’s Other Readings:
Exodus 25 & 26
Not by Chance
In these two chapters of Exodus God gave Moses instructions for building the tabernacle, its furniture, and implements. The first thing that strikes me as I read all the instructions is that our God is a God of order and planning. Nothing was made or created by chance!
How that flies in the face of the theory of evolution with the premise that life began by chance. The idea that all that we see: the wonder of creation, the intricacies of the human body, the birth of a baby … happened by chance, requires more faith than I have. It requires less faith to believe the truth!
Giving from the Heart
The second thing that’s noteworthy is that those who gave to the building of the tabernacle were to do so willingly and from the heart (Ex. 25:2). 2 Corinthians 9:7 says that God loves a cheerful giver and Luke 6:38 says that we receive blessings in proportion to our generosity. With God, the heart attitude is always the important thing.
Jesus said this about a poor widow who had given two small mites (about 56 cents by today’s standard):
1 And He looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury, 2 and He saw also a certain poor widow putting in two mites. 3 So He said, “Truly I say to you that this poor widow has put in more than all; 4 for all these out of their abundance have put in offerings for God, but she out of her poverty put in all the livelihood that she had” (Lk. 21.1-4).
Neither are we to give out of compulsion or with a “what can I get in return” attitude, rather willingly and from the heart.
Psalm 19.7-14
More Valuable than Gold
I hope you read this passage slowly and thoughtfully. If not, I urge you to go back and do so.
Look at the character qualities of God’s magnificent Word. First, it’s “perfect” and the only thing that can convert our souls—not just the one-time conversion of the new birth, but also God working through His Word and Spirit to change us into the likeness of His Son.
Second, it is “sure,” not iffy, not just nice-sounding ideas—it is sure! Next, it makes the simple wise and enlightens our eyes—it causes us to view life clearly. It is not only sure, but it endures forever. And it is just as true today as it was 2,000 or 4,000 years ago and will be just as sure 1,000 years from now!
It is more valuable than gold and sweeter than honey. The more you read it, the sweeter and dearer it becomes. It warns us of the dangers of living to please ourselves or others and not living to please God. And when we live according to the things written in it, we have the reward of peace and joy and blessings beyond measure.
Matthew 24.1-28
The Beginning of Sorrows
In this chapter, Jesus is approaching the end of His ministry on earth. His entry into Jerusalem, what we call Palm Sunday, has already occurred, and the cross looms before Him. He has been speaking to the crowds and reproving the religious leaders. But now His focus turns to the disciples. They come to Him and ask, “What will be the sign of Your coming, and of the end of the age?’
He goes on to talk about wars, famines, pestilence, earthquakes, false prophets, lawlessness, and the love of many growing cold. He says that all this is just the beginning of sorrows (Matt. 24.3-14)! In other passages, the events of the last days are compared to a woman in childbirth. The closer the event gets the stronger the pains.
He goes on, “… as the lightning comes from the east and flashes in the west, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be” (Matt. 24.27).
But we can be encouraged by Paul’s words to the Thessalonians:
Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord (1 Thess. 4.17).
What a day that will be! Pray that He will find us working to bring others into the Kingdom when He comes.
Closing Thoughts:
How do you see God’s Word? Do you see it as valuable and do your actions back up your claim? Do you honor it by obeying God’s commands? And do you spend time studying, meditating, and memorizing it? If so, do you run to it when you need wisdom and discernment? And what effect does it have on how you live daily?
Are you struggling in any way with the effects of adultery or sexual immorality? What do you believe God wants you to do?
Share your thoughts in the comments section below and if this post spoke to you, please forward it to others who might benefit or share it on your favorite social media site.
Coming Up:
In the coming days, we’ll talk about how to shine the light of Christ, how some of us might be trying to make minimum payments on sin when the debt has been paid, sheep and goats in the church, and what it really means to be a friend of God.
I hope you’ll sign up so you don’t miss them.
Blessings as you grow in Christ,
Donna ♥
Note about this post:
I began blogging through the Bible in 2012 and have done so every year since then. These posts are the product of many edits and additions throughout those years. Some days I make major changes, other days fewer.
A while ago, I read Jen Wilkin’s book None Like Him about the attributes of God. One is His incomprehensibility. In it, she says, “God is incomprehensible. This does not mean that he is unknowable, but that he is unable to be fully known.”
I have found that to be true each year as I’ve gone back through the Bible. Sometimes I find myself feeling as if a passage just appeared there for the first time. I’m reminded that no matter how many times we read through the Bible, we have only scratched the surface. I hope you feel the same.
Indeed these are the mere edges of His ways,
And how small a whisper we hear of Him!
But the thunder of His power who can understand?” (Job 26.14)
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