The Bible has a great deal to say about wisdom and its flip side, foolishness. In this series we’re looking at what it means to be wise and, by comparison, what it means to be foolish and how to recognize the difference.
Are you a wise woman or a foolish one? Part 4
Friendships & Counselors
As I said in the first post (read it here), while I’m specifically addressing this to us as women, these truths are for everyone: young and old, men, women, and children.
Our foundational Scripture is Proverbs 14.1 which says:
The wise woman builds her house,
But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.
Our working definition of wisdom is, “wisdom is the right application of truth.” It’s not only knowing the truth, but applying it to the everyday situations of our lives!
Friendships & Counselors
In previous posts, we talked about our tongues along with wise listening and in the last post we talked about wise attitudes toward money and “stuff.”
In this post, we’re going to talk about our associations, especially our friendships and who we listen to when we seek advice, either formally or informally.
Often we learn too late that going our own way or listening to the advice of fools leads to disaster and heartache. Could you be listening to advice that may sound good, but could take you farther from God and His purposes for your life? Could it endanger you, your marriage, your other relationships, or even your relationship with God?
Good or Bad Advice
The Bible has a lot to say about the person who tries to go it alone and never listens to anyone.
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice (Prov. 12.15 ESV).
Wise advice is a great blessing, but bad advice can lead us over a cliff. It’s tempting to surround ourselves with people who think like us, rather than people who challenge us to change and grow. We like friends who will listen to “our side of the story” and sympathize with us … people who will tell us what we want to hear instead of what we may need to hear.
Proverbs says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy” (Prov. 27.6). A true friend will warn us of danger and patterns of sin in our lives. He or she will love us enough to risk offending us rather than see us doing things that are not pleasing to God. The previous verse says, “Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed” (Prov. 27.5).
Do you have friends who hold you accountable, who aren’t afraid to speak the truth in love? And who are your closest friends? Are they believers or are they people who live by the world’s standards?
14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; … (2 Cor. 6.14-16a ESV).
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect (Rom. 12.2 NLT).
One area where we and many of our friends and potential counselors have copied the behavior and customs of this world is concerning feminist ideas.
Paul told us in Ephesians 5:
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands (ESV).
Ladies, if we’re married our first source of counsel should be our husbands. And even when that counsel is unsought, we need to lovingly submit. When we do we are really heeding God’s counsel. The only exception would be if we are asked to sin (Acts 5.29).
God has also given us Christian leaders to help us grow and provide counsel:
11 Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. 12 Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ (Eph. 4.11-12).
Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you (Heb. 13.17).
Not only do we sometimes seek out people who tell us what we want to hear or seek worldly advice instead of sound biblical advice, we can be foolish in other ways.
Wanting to Know Too Much
Have you ever been faced with a hard decision and wanted to know for sure what you should do? Should you take this job or that one? Should you marry this person or someone else?
Or maybe it’s the answer to another kind of question that’s haunting you … like whether or not your spouse is being faithful? At times like that, we want answers and we want them now!
While I certainly understand that desperation, we must be very careful. Too often friends who don’t want to see us hurt or who have been hurt themselves in the past can push us toward making assumptions that may or may not be true.
Nothing is hidden from God (Ps. 139.7-12) and He is well able to reveal whatever we need to know (Jer. 33.3). It’s best to pray and wait on Him.
Even more dangerous is seeking out mediums or others who claim to know the future and other things supernaturally. There is no white magic and anyone practicing those things and claiming to know Jesus does not know the God of the Bible. Remember Satan himself can appear as an “angel of light” (2 Cor. 11.14).
We are to “take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness …” (Eph. 5.11).
“The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our sons forever, that we may observe all the words of this law (Deut. 29.29).
Parents & Family Members
Some of the most tempting people to run to for advice is parents or other family members. While some may be able to be to give godly, unbiased counsel, many are not. And when the issue involves our spouse, pulling them into it can cause problems for years to come.
We must be especially careful of situations that can create leaving, cleaving (Gen. 2.24) or submission problems (Ehp. 5.22).
It’s not only an easy place to run to for counsel, sometimes it’s offered even when we don’t ask. And it’s hard at times not to listen and follow what’s being said, yet Jesus said:
Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me (Matt. 10.37).
Friendships
It’s not just counsel, but influence that we need to consider.
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals” (1 Cor. 15.33).
He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed (Prov. 13.20).
Who do you hang out with? Gossips and complainers? People who act and talk like the world? Girlfriends who disrespect their husbands? And you men, are your buddies other men who drink or run around on and talk disparagingly about their wives?
Or do you develop friendships with those who will challenge you to grow spiritually? What if a friend were to lovingly reprove you and challenge you about some attitude or action? Would you be willing to listen and take it to the Lord?
Let’s ask God to search our hearts and help us see where we might be foolish and how we can be more purposeful to walk in wisdom in regard to our friendships and where we seek counsel. And no matter what advice we hear, let’s be good Bereans (Acts 17.11) and hold it up to the Word of God (2 Tim. 3.16-17; Prov. 3.5-6).
Blessings,
Donna
I sometimes LINKUP with these blogs.
This post may contain affiliate links, but I only recommend books and resources that I believe are theologically sound and beneficial to the reader. Thank you for supporting this blog and ministry by supporting my links! There is no additional cost to you when you do.
2 Comments
Leave your reply.