Are you settling for less in your marriage? Less than you dreamed of when you first met? Or maybe you’ve grown and learned a few communication techniques. So, now you have settled for a little less fighting? And then there are the kids. Maybe you have settled for focusing on them. Or maybe you think, “Our marriage is OK. It’s not perfect but what marriage is?”
Or maybe you’re waiting. Waiting for a better job, a bigger house, for one or both of you to get established in your career. Then things will be better. Maybe you’re just waiting for the kids to be grown so you can leave. Or waiting to see what will happen, whether or not things will get better.
I’m Just Not Happy!
If you’re a Christian, you may feel guilty about some of those thoughts and feelings. You understand that God designed marriage to be forever. You may believe that you should stick it out. But, if you’re honest, you sometimes wonder, “Doesn’t God want me to be happy? And I’m just not happy. We’ve fallen out of love. Those feelings are gone.”
There is a lot that could be said about those things, but we would probably all agree that simply “sticking it out” is not what God had in mind when He created marriage.
Could Things Be Different?
The short answer is “yes.” No matter what you have tried before. No matter how long things have been that way. It can change but it won’t happen automatically.
My husband uses an illustration where he uses 3 sticks to represent three different stages of marriage. He lays them out end to end with each one overlapping the one before. The first one is red, the second gray, and the third white. The red stick represents the red-hot feelings and emotions we feel when we first meet. The gray stick is married life. He explains that the red stick usually overlaps the gray one because those feelings generally continue into the marriage for a while. Maybe months. Maybe years.
The gray stick represents what happens when the realities of life settle in. Bills. Babies. Jobs. Exhaustion. Couple those with our sinful, selfish nature and too often those red-hot feelings fade. Then one or both of them are in our offices declaring, “We just don’t love each other anymore!”
But what about the white stick?
The white stick represents a relationship that is far superior to the red-hot love of those early months or years. It’s a relationship that is deeper and richer than what those early years had to offer. It’s based on doing marriage God’s way and leads to genuine intimacy.
It’s a marriage that all believers can all have but few do. Because instead of working through the issues that are revealed through the stresses and trials of daily life, many walk away. They leave to find someone else with whom they can recapture that original feeling of red-hot love. Only to repeat the process over again. Sometimes repeatedly.
It Doesn’t Just Happen
But, as I said, the kind of marriage represented by the white stick doesn’t just happen. It doesn’t happen because you’ve made it twenty or thirty or fifty years together. It doesn’t happen simply because you’re not a divorce statistic. Or even because you go to church every Sunday. It happens because you learn to apply biblical principles to everyday life.
And that’s where a marriage intensive can help. Marriage intensives are three-day/two-night retreats where you can begin to see some of the reasons you and your spouse speak and respond the way you do. It’s where you can learn how to communicate and handle conflict better, find out how you and your spouse can grow and change, and learn how to cultivate your love for one another.
Who Are the Leaders for Marriage Intensives?
My husband, Mike Reidland, is a pastor and biblical counselor and I’m a biblical counselor, certified through the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors.
We have been counseling couples and individuals for twenty years. Together we started and led a biblical counseling center for twelve of those years. Even though we are both retired from full-time ministry, we continue to help, counsel, and mentor couples and individuals every week.
We’re passionate about helping couples have the kind of marriage we have come to enjoy by God’s grace. We know how difficult marriage can be when we do it our way. But we, also, know how good marriage can be when it’s done God’s way. You can read our story here.
What Does a Marriage Intensive Cost?
Intensives include:
- Hotel accommodations
- Continental breakfasts
- Lunches (2)
- All materials
- Small group and one-on-one teaching & counseling (never more than three other couples)
- Follow-up when you get home.
The cost is $800 per couple.
Contact us for more information. Click the link to download the Joyful Marriage flyer if you’d like to pass this on to your church or another couple. And we would appreciate your sharing on social media.
Email: joyfulmarriageministries@yahoo.com
Upcoming dates:
- August 11-13, 2022
- August 18-20, 2022
9 Comments
Leave your reply.