Betrayal. Rejection. Hurt. Anger. Disappointment. You have probably experienced one or more of them. I know I have.

How should we respond when we’re hurt or betrayed by someone we trusted? Is there a super-weapon to deal with that kind of betrayal? Today’s post has 7 steps to follow when we have been wounded by an enemy or even a friend.

Today’s Readings:

1 Chronicles 26 & 27
Psalm 78.56-66
Proverbs 20.4-5
Acts 10.1-23

7 Steps to Fighting Back after Betrayal

1 Chronicles 26 & 27:

Betrayed by Someone Close

Chapter 27 ends with a list of David’s closest advisers. It says in verse 33, “Ahithophel was the king’s counselor, and Hushai the Archite was the king’s companion.” These two men were probably David’s two closest friends, people he trusted and confided in. But sadly, one of them would later betray him. David wrote about it in Psalm 55. Verses 12-14 recall the anguish he felt:

12 For it is not an enemy who reproaches me;
Then I could bear it.
Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me;
Then I could hide from him.
13 But it was you, a man my equal,
My companion and my acquaintance.
14 We took sweet counsel together,
And walked to the house of God in the throng.

Our spiritual ancestors experienced the same struggles and disappointments that we do. Perhaps you have experienced betrayal by a friend or even a spouse. Maybe you’re undergoing some other kind of hurt or rejection. If so, you can go to the Psalms and find comfort in God’s Word, knowing that others have gone through similar things and come out the other side.

But could there be other things we should do to help us grow from hurt or betrayal?

Growing from Hurt or Betrayal

God grows His people through His Word and other means of grace. But He, also, grows and changes us through our trials, even when we are deeply hurt. In the process, He may use us to bring reconciliation in a relationship or even conviction to someone who has offended us. But whether or not either of those things happens, He wants to work in us.

First, we need to pray and give the hurt to God. Then we should examine ourselves and ask God to show us how we might have contributed to what happened. That doesn’t mean we are responsible for someone else’s sin, but we are responsible for our own actions or reactions.

If we see that we were part of the problem or that we responded sinfully, we should take 100% of the responsibility for our part even if we think we were only 5% or 10% of the overall problem. That might mean going to our offender and asking for forgiveness without blame-shifting, excusing, or minimizing what we did.

Our tendency, even when we’re willing to go to them, is to say, “I’m sorry I lost my temper when you hurt me so badly.” In other words, I’m sorry I did it, but it’s really your fault! Instead, we should simply say, “I’m sorry I lost my temper. Will you forgive me?”

The Hardest Part

Next may be the hard part! We are not to expect anything in return. They may confess their wrongdoing or they may not! Either way, we are only responsible for ourselves.

I can hear the cries now, “So he or she just gets a pass on what they did?!”

Actually, at this point, God wants us to pull out the heavy-duty weapons. Does that mean it’s time to give them a piece of your mind or get even for what they did?

No, Romans 12.17-21 tells us that we are not to take our own revenge (gossip, silent treatment, attacks, etc.). Instead, we are to leave room for the wrath of God. If there is justice to be meted out, we are to leave it in His hands.

Our Heavy Duty Weapons

Our weapons are found in verses 20-21 of Romans 12:

²⁰ Therefore

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”

²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

God calls us to “do good” even when someone has acted like our enemy. That doesn’t necessarily mean we will have an ongoing relationship with them, especially, if something illegal or immoral like abuse has taken place. Neither does it mean, that we don’t report a crime or allow them to suffer the consequences of their actions. But, even then, we are to do what’s required with a forgiving heart and a desire for them to get right with God.

The good we do might be praying for them. It might be treating them kindly when we have contact with them, as in cases where divorce has taken place, especially when children are involved. But there may be other ways God wants us to do good and we should prayerfully seek His direction.

Coals of Fire

Maybe you read verse 20 and you’re still wondering about those “coals of fire” you’ll be heaping on his head! The “coals of fire” is the conviction God applies as we respond in Christ-like ways.

Notice that verse 21 is a command, “Do not be overcome by evil …” We are not to let evil overcome us, but are to overcome it with good! Our feeble attempts at revenge are pea shooters in comparison to the greatest weapon there is … the love of God! It can soften the hardest heart, but its greatest work is often done in the heart and life of the one willing to use it!

Here is a brief summary of things you can and should do if you’ve experienced some hurt or betrayal.

7 Steps to Fighting Back after Betrayal

1. First, seek God through His Word. You might start with the Psalms.
2. Ask for His grace to respond in Christ-like ways.
3. Examine your own heart for any part you might have played in the situation.
4. If necessary, seek forgiveness from God and the other person without minimizing or blame-shifting.
5. Refuse to seek your own revenge.
6. Leave judgment in the hands of God.
7. Overcome evil with good.

Today’s Other Readings:

Psalm 78.56-66:

When God Seems Absent

Verse 61 says that God,

… delivered His strength into captivity, and His glory into the enemy’s hand.

Sometimes God temporarily withholds His power and allows His glory to be obscured, but He is always working behind the scenes to fulfill His plans and purposes for His ultimate glory.

Proverbs 20.4-5:

Drawing from the Well of Wise People

Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out (v. 5).

Reading the Bible carefully and thoughtfully with the help of the Holy Spirit allows us to draw out God’s wisdom and shows us how to apply it to our lives.

God also gives us wisdom through people He has gifted and equipped. We should all spend time listening to good Bible teaching and talking to and asking questions of godly men and women.

But there is another way for us to gain valuable wisdom and insight from wise men and women … reading their books and blogs! It saddens me to hear people say, “I’m just not a reader.” We all NEED to be readers to some degree or another because God saw fit to record His Word in written form.

He has also gifted great men and women of the past and still today, to write books that allow us to sit at their feet and glean a deeper understanding of the Scriptures and the outworking of God’s power, love, and wisdom in their lives.

There are books that can deepen our personal quiet time like:

Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life by Donald Whitney. I have read this book numerous times and go back to it again and again, even to read a chapter or two.

How to Keep a Spiritual Journal: A Guide to Journal Keeping for Inner Growth and Personal Discovery by Ronald Klug.

There are books on prayer like:

The Heart of a Woman Who Prays: Drawing Near to the God Who Loves You by Elizabeth George.

With the Master on Our Knees: A Ladies’ Bible Study on Prayer by Susan Heck.

The Power of Prayer in a Believer’s Life by Charles Spurgeon.

The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions by Arthur Bennett. These are great prayers to deepen our spiritual life and relationship with God.

The Majesty of Prayer: Encounters with God’s Amazing Grace by John MacArthur.

There are books that can deepen our understanding of our fallen nature and the grace of God like:

Idols of the Heart: Learning to Long for God Alone by Elyse Fitzpatrick. This book has helped me and I know it can help you understand why we do what we do.

The Cross Centered Life: Keeping the Gospel The Main Thing by C.J. Mahaney. This book and the next one can help us understand how we need the gospel every day of our lives.

A Gospel Primer for Christians: Learning to See the Glories of God’s Love by Milton Vincent. I find myself going back to this one again and again. And I frequently encourage my counselees to spend time reading and meditating on these gospel truths.

There are great biographies and autobiographies that can impact our lives in astounding ways:

Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy by Eric Metaxas. This book has continued to impact and influence my life.

Evidence Not Seen: A Woman’s Miraculous Faith in the Jungles of World War II by Darlene Deibler Rose. I read this many years ago and still use it as an example when I talk to people about enduring hardship.

Martin Luther: The Man Who Rediscovered God and Changed the World by Eric Metaxas. Most of us have no idea what the reformers endured and that is our loss.

I’ll be sharing some other books in the days to come. I’m also blessed by the abundance of good, biblically sound blog posts and eBooks being written by women and men today. But, it is important with any teaching, blog, or book to be discerning. Just because something is popular doesn’t make it biblical. Make sure what you’re hearing and reading lines up with your Bible! That’s another reason to be reading God’s Word in a purposeful way for yourself. You won’t recognize something that has been watered down, taken out of context, or is an outright counterfeit unless you know the real thing.

Acts 10.1-23:

Not Just for Jews

Here is chapter 10, God gave Peter a vision. It helped him understand that salvation was not for Jews only (Acts 10.34-35; 2 Tim. 2.4).

In fact, that has always been the heart of God. Even in the Old Testament, God’s salvation was not exclusive to the nation of Israel. Throughout we see gentiles who came to know the One True God, such as Ruth, Rehab, and many others.

His desire has always been to use His children to reflect His glory and draw others to Him. One illustration that comes to my mind is the story of Naaman (2 Kings 5.1-19) who met the prophet of God and was healed and saved because of the life and testimony of a little Jewish servant girl.

What about You? Questions to Ponder or Journal:

Are you like that unnamed servant girl? Does your light shine out to a lost and dying world?

How do you respond when someone betrays you? Do you take it to the Lord and seek His grace or do you become sinfully angry and bitter? Is there someone you need to forgive or something you need to get right between you and the Lord?

Do you spend time around wise people? Do you read good books, listen to good Bible teaching, and study His Word with other believers? What books have most impacted your spiritual life? Consider choosing one book you haven’t read and begin reading it, thoroughly and thoughtfully.

Coming Up:

In the coming days, we’ll talk about the importance of godly friends, 4 questions to ask when faced with decisions, the desires of your heart, the First National Bank of God, parenting, and praying for our nation.

I hope you’ll sign up so you don’t miss any of them. You might also like to check out our YouTube channel.

If this post spoke to you, I would love it if you would share it on your favorite social media platform.

And if you don’t already have a copy, you might want to purchase a copy of my eBook, 10 Benefits of Keeping a Spiritual Journal. It’s available on Kindle through Amazon.

Blessings as you grow in Christ,
Donna ♥

Note about this post:

I began blogging through the Bible in 2012 and have done so every year since then. These posts are the product of many edits and additions throughout those years. Some days I make major changes, other days fewer. 

A while ago, I read Jen Wilkin’s book None Like Him about the attributes of God. One is His incomprehensibility. In it, she says, “God is incomprehensible. This does not mean that he is unknowable, but that he is unable to be fully known.”

I have found that to be true each year as I’ve gone back through the Bible. Sometimes I find myself feeling as if a passage just appeared there for the first time. I’m reminded that no matter how many times we read through the Bible, we have only scratched the surface. I hope you feel the same.

Indeed these are the mere edges of His ways,
And how small a whisper we hear of Him!
But the thunder of His power who can understand?” (Job 26.14)

I sometimes LINKUP with these blogs.