The latest statistics I could find say the rate of divorce in the US is about 40-50%, but I’ve discovered that statistics are hard to pin down. Some say the rate of divorce has dropped in the last decade and that as high as 70% of marriages make it to their 15th year. If that’s true, what about the 30 or 40% who don’t? And is it possible that the divorce rate is going down because many couples simply live together without marrying?

What does the Bible say about divorce? Is it allowable to divorce because we’re not happy or no longer in love? Is it okay to divorce if we realize we are unequally yoked? Are there biblical grounds for divorce? And one final question, why is it so important for singles to understand these principles, too?

Today’s Readings:

Ezra 9 & 10
Psalm 88.6-10
Proverbs 21.23-24
Acts 24.1-27

Can Christians Divorce?

Ezra 9 & 10:

Unlawful Marriages

59 years had passed since the rebuilding of the temple after the Israelites’ 70-year-long captivity. In these passages, the second group of former captives had returned from Babylon led by Ezra. When he arrived, Ezra learned that the Jews who were already there, including many of the leaders, had taken pagan wives. This was strictly forbidden by the Law and had repeatedly led the people into idolatry. It was a major contributor to the apostasy that led to their captivity. Yet, they went back to the same practices!

A decision was made that these wives as a group had to be “put away”—that is divorced. But as John MacArthur points out in his Daily Bible, each marriage was examined individually, probably to learn whether the wives had become believers in the One True God. He also notes that other gentile women like Ruth and Rahab who had embraced faith in God were accepted and even included in the lineage of Christ.

Being Unequally Yoked Today

So what about today? 2 Corinthians 6.14 says:

Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

This verse clearly points out that it is wrong for a Christian to marry a non-Christian. So, can a believing spouse divorce an unbelieving one?

1 Corinthians 7 says:

¹² But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. ¹³ And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. ¹⁴ For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.

Matthew Henry in his commentary says it this way, “As to being unequally yoked with unbelievers, such marriages, it is certain, are sinful, and ought not to be made; but now they are not null, as they were before the gospel did away with the separation between Jews and Gentiles.”

If a believer is already married to a non-believer, divorce is not an option in most circumstances. So, are there any circumstances in which a believer is free to divorce?

Is Divorce Ever Allowable for a Christian?

Jay Adams, in his book Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible says, “Contrary to some opinions, the concept of divorce is biblical. The Bible recognizes and regulates divorce.”

When Joseph discovered that Mary was pregnant, “being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly (Matt. 1.19). He was going to divorce her until an angel convinced him that she had not committed adultery. Even though they were not married, in biblical times the betrothal was just as binding and subject to a charge of adultery as a marriage.

Jesus said in Matthew 5.32:

But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

So divorce is allowable in cases of adultery and other serious forms of sexual immorality.

A Second Reason 

1 Corinthians 7 lays out some additional guidelines:

10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.

Verse 15:

15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.

If the unbelieving spouse wants to leave the marriage, the believing spouse is not sinning by allowing him or her to leave. In fact, verse 15 says “let him depart,” referring to divorce. While we should do all that we can to save every marriage, there are times when an unbeliever insists on leaving a marriage and the believing spouse must, eventually, let him or her go.

Physical or Sexual Abuse

But what about cases of physical or sexual abuse? I have always believed that if a woman (usually) or her children are being victimized in this way that she should remove herself and her children and go to a safe place, perhaps permanently, as 1 Corinthians 7.11 states. I have, also, said I understand that this can become a divorceable situation if the Matthew 18.15-20 process is followed wisely and with the safety of the wife and children in mind.

My husband and I recently went through a study on marriage with material from Capitol Hill Baptist Church in Washington D.C. that clarified this for me even more. I don’t think I can say it any better so I’m going to quote their material:

After thinking through this issue, along with study and prayer, the elders believe that certain forms of abuse, including physical and/or sexual abuse of spouse or children fall within the category of desertion (because stopping the abuse requires physical separation, and is therefore a breaking of the covenant, etc.). Why? Because we consider this sin such an egregious evil that it rises to the level of breaching the covenant.

Now, does one fight, or one blow constitute physical abuse? How long does abuse have to go on before professed repentance and contrition is proved not genuine? Once again we quickly see that even when the principle of desertion is clear, its application can be extremely difficult, and requires patient and humble counsel and direction.

So, each situation must be considered carefully and on its own merit. If you are in this situation, I would encourage you to seek wise and godly counsel from your pastor(s). This is one reason why it is so important to be part of a solid, biblical church. I’ll talk more about this in a minute.

If You Are Not Married

As a counselor, I often meet with women (although the same principle applies to men) who are planning to get married. My first question, if I don’t know the other person is, “Is he a believer?” If not, I warn them of the seriousness of ignoring God’s command. I often say, “Right now you have the choice to obey God and save yourself from the consequences of being unequally yoked, but once you’re married, the command will be to stay.”

And the consequences are many, among them: conflicts about how to spend time and money, how to raise children, and what kinds of entertainment are appropriate. But perhaps the saddest is the loss of someone with whom you can share the most important things in life, spiritual things.

And, too often, the man who was willing to come to church with his fiancee is not willing to give up his weekends to come to church when she’s his wife. The boyfriend, who said he’s fine with her religion, starts accusing her of being a Bible thumper or belittling her for not wanting to watch certain movies and TV shows. The man she believed was close to becoming a Christian is often no closer 20 or 30 years later.

But as we just read in 1 Corinthians 7, unless the unbelieving spouse insists on leaving the marriage, once married, the believing spouse must not seek a divorce. Instead, he or she must live in a way that brings glory to God and, hopefully, draws the unbelieving spouse to Him (1 Pet. 3.1-4).

Narrow Circumstances

So, divorce is allowable in very narrow circumstances, either when an unbelieving spouse deserts his or her spouse or when there has been a breaking of the covenant, through adultery or other serious kinds of immorality or abuse.

When a Believing Spouse Insists on Divorce

But what if you are married to a professing believer who simply refuses to stay in the marriage? Sadly, this happens all too often.

Go to your church leadership. The Matthew 18.15-20 church discipline process is intended to deal with issues like this.

If you would like to understand why church discipline is such an important part of a healthy church, watch Pastor Mark Dever’s teaching on the subject.

Is Divorce Always the Answer?

As I said a minute ago, marriages are worth saving whenever possible. Even when there are serious sin issues, divorce should not be the first thing we consider. Many marriages have been restored after adultery or other forms of sexual sin. Lives and families broken by addictions and neglect can be healed.

Remember, this does not mean that if you or your children are being abused you should stay in a dangerous situation. If that’s you, seek help. Go to a shelter or call the police, if necessary.

Then go to your pastor.

You can, also, find help and counseling by going to the Association of Biblical Counselors (ACBC) website. Find a biblical counselor in your area who can help you heal, learn to deal with loss and betrayal, or walk with you through forgiveness and restoration. If your spouse refuses to go, go by yourself.

After Divorce

We live in a fallen world and sometimes divorces take place. It may happen because a spouse simply refuses to stay in a marriage. It may happen because of adultery or other kinds of sin. When it does, there is often great pain and disappointment.

If you or someone you know is suffering from the pain of divorce or separation I would encourage you to talk to your pastor, look for a DivorceCare support group or find a biblical counselor using the link above.  Even if you were divorced in the past but are still struggling, talking to someone who can help you to process it biblically could benefit you greatly.

Today’s Other Readings:

Psalm 88.6-10:

Crying Out to God

As I said yesterday, this psalm is a lamentation. The psalmist was apparently in distress and struggling to understand why God hadn’t answered his prayers.

Realizing our spiritual forefathers struggled at times can encourage us in our times of grief and sadness. If you’re struggling in some way, try writing out your own psalm following the pattern of Psalm 88, Psalm 73, or one of the other Psalms. If you find yourself wondering why you’re in the midst of a trial while unbelievers seem to “get away with murder,” read more about the psalmist’s conclusion in Psalm 73.

Proverbs 21.23-24:

Tongue Troubles

Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles (v. 23).

The tongue can get us into so much trouble! And the reverse of that is, if we will exercise the fruit of the Spirit, especially self-control, we can avoid all kinds of heartache!

Acts 24.1-27:

Putting God on Hold

Paul was still in protective custody, accused, but not charged with any crime. He and his accusers were set to appear before Felix, the Governor of Judea. The Jews had sent a great orator to present their side and bring their accusations against Paul. Paul would speak in his own defense. And though he would declare his innocence, he wouldn’t hide what he believed. In fact, he would spend the bulk of his time sharing the truth with Felix. When faced with the truth, Felix did what so many do today. He didn’t totally reject it, he just ignored it, saying he would deal with it later when it was more convenient!

Coming Up

In the coming days, we’ll talk about loving your enemies, the danger of an entitlement attitude, how flattery can be a snare to the hearer, the importance of contentment and hard work, how to move from grief to joy, and what some have called the great exchange.

I hope you’ll sign up so you don’t miss any of them. You might also like to check out our YouTube channel.

If this post spoke to you, I would love it if you would share it on your favorite social media platform.

And if you don’t already have a copy, you might want to purchase a copy of my eBook, 10 Benefits of Keeping a Spiritual Journal. It’s available on Kindle or in paperback (the paperback has 31 days of blank journaling pages with prompts to help you get started).

Blessings as you grow in Christ,
Donna ♥

Note about this post:

I began blogging through the Bible in 2012 and have done so every year since then. These posts are the product of many edits and additions throughout those years. Some days I make major changes, other days fewer. 

A while ago, I read Jen Wilkin’s book None Like Him about the attributes of God. One is His incomprehensibility. In it, she says, “God is incomprehensible. This does not mean that he is unknowable, but that he is unable to be fully known.”

I have found that to be true each year as I’ve gone back through the Bible. Sometimes I find myself feeling as if a passage just appeared there for the first time. I’m reminded that no matter how many times we read through the Bible, we have only scratched the surface. I hope you feel the same.

Indeed these are the mere edges of His ways,
And how small a whisper we hear of Him!
But the thunder of His power who can understand?” (Job 26.14)

I sometimes LINKUP with these blogs.