Today we’ll see once again that sinful behavior has consequences. And when it comes to parenting, one of the most devastating sins is favoritism. Add selfishness and manipulation to the equation and you have a destructive combination that can tear families apart. Isaac and Rebekah had to learn that lesson the hard way.

The consequences of favoritism, selfishness, and other sins can be long-lasting and painful to our families, too. How can we recognize and prevent those things in our parenting?

We’ll also read about the difference between righteous anger and sinful anger, the chastening of the Lord, and the importance of defending the faith in love.

Welcome, to “God’s Word Day by Day” where I blog through the Bible in a Year. I hope you’ll join me every day. If you’re not already signed up, you can do it here. This year I’ve added a couple of new features. First, check out the “Free Resources” tab at the top. You’ll find a downloadable, printable PDF with “Going Deeper Study Questions” for each day’s post. And … this year you’ll find the daily “Bible in a Year” posts on YouTube. The daily emails now have a link to both the Soul Survival posts here and the YouTube videos. I hope you’ll sign up. (If you already receive them, no need to sign up again.)

Today’s Readings:

Genesis 27 & 28
Psalm 7.9-17
Proverbs 3.11-12
Matthew 10.1-20

The Devastation of Favoritism & How to Prevent It

Genesis 27 & 28:

Isaac’s Favoritism

Isaac has been the central character in the Genesis narrative for the last generation or so. He is now 137 years old, blind, and facing his own mortality. Perhaps he was sick since both Jacob and Esau expected him to die soon (Gen 27.41). As the story continues we will see that he actually lives forty-three years longer. By the way, his twin sons Jacob and Esau were not exactly kids either. They were 77 years old!

Isaac planned to give a final blessing to Esau, his favorite son, in opposition to God’s declared will (Gen. 25.23). But first, he dispatched Esau for a meal of fresh game. Meanwhile, Rebekah convinced Jacob, her favorite, to deceive his blind father into pronouncing the blessing over him.

When the scandal of Jacob’s deception was revealed, it says, “Isaac trembled exceedingly,” perhaps over what Jacob had done or perhaps at the realization that he had favored his rebellious son despite what God had revealed to Rebekah before the twins were born. Genesis 25.23 says this:

And the Lord said to her:

Esau was already living up to God’s prophecy. His “I-want-what-I-want-and-I-want-it-now” attitude had already cost him his birthright as the elder son. Then in anger, he had married two Hittite women. Genesis 26.35 says his behavior was “a grief of mind” to his parents.

Rebekah’s Favoritism

And Rebekah! Imagine suggesting your son deceive his father. Sadly, many of us have acted just as badly, sinfully taking matters into our own hands instead of trusting God to bring about His plan.

Although Jacob’s deception was completely wrong and would cause him to flee in fear of his brother, God in His sovereignty used it to bring about His plan.

And although there would be heartache and consequences, God would, eventually, bless Jacob and bring him back home. But before that would happen, Jacob would be separated from his family for years. He and his mother would never see each other again. He would live in fear of Esau and Jacob the deceiver would be deceived himself.

As Galatians 6.7-9 says:

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

All of this should be both a warning and an encouragement to us. It’s a warning about the consequences of deception, controlling behavior, and selfishness. And it’s an encouragement that God can and will use us, despite our past mistakes, if we repent and turn to Him.

Your Family & Favoritism

Favoritism is easy to see in other families, even easy to see in our spouses. But it can sneak up on us personally. None of us starts out planning to play favorites. I’m sure Isaac and Rebekah didn’t.

But life happens and as it unfolds, our sinful nature can cause us to respond in less than godly ways.

In Isaac and Rebekah’s case, their prayer for a child was answered double. But double meant two very different sons. The quiet Jacob and the impulsive, man’s man, Esau.

Isaac probably related to Esau. He was proud of his son’s hunting skills and enjoyed the game he brought home.

Rebekah may have been drawn to her more contemplative son. Like Mary who hid the things surrounding Jesus’ birth in her heart (Lk. 2.18-19), perhaps Rebekah hid the events and promises surrounding her boys’ births in her heart, as well. Maybe she kept wondering how God would bring that prophecy to pass, “the older shall serve the younger” (Gen. 25.23). And perhaps she tried to help God out a bit. Whatever the reason, she favored her younger son.

While we don’t start out intending to favor one child over the other either, our children are different, too. Sometimes one is more like us or more obedient than another. Sometimes one is more gifted, needier, or born at a more convenient time.

Whatever the reason, James warns us that favoritism is sin (Jas. 2.9). And favoritism can have dire consequences.

The Consequences of Favoritism

Favoritism doesn’t just harm our children. It harms us as parents in the end. Imagine the guilt Rebekah must have suffered as the years went by and she could no longer see the son she loved. Imagine how it must have grieved her heart to see her other son, Esau, make bad choices by marrying unbelievers and to see his hard, resentful attitude. And imagine how she must have grieved over how all this might affect her grandchildren.

And Isaac. Imagine the shock when he realized he’d been deceived by his wife and son. Imagine the guilt over his failure as a parent. And just imagine how all this must have affected their marriage.

Favoritism can harm all our children, including the one we favor. It can drive a wedge between them and their siblings. Just study the life of Joseph (Gen. 37). And while each of our children is responsible for how they respond to the things in their lives, including our sin, children may become angry, bitter, and resentful.

Favoritism fails to recognize the unique gifts, talents, and personalities that God has given each of our children. It also fails to recognize how God wants to use each of them in our lives to help us become conformed to the image of Christ (Rom. 8.28-29).

Avoiding Favoritism

So, how can we avoid favoritism?

By remembering the gospel and how God has shown us grace. By remembering all the sins for which we have been forgiven and by realizing that no matter where we are with God, we didn’t start there.

We can avoid favoritism by remembering and meditating on the character (the goodness, the justice, the love, the sovereignty) of God and realizing that He can and will use all our children for good in our lives and bring about His will in theirs.

Also, by carefully considering our responses to our children’s behavior. The essence of the gospel is that we are saved by grace, not good works. Our love and affection should be grace-driven, as well, and not based on their behavior. They shouldn’t have to earn our love.

That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t use consequences for wrong, disobedient, or sinful behavior. But in the midst of it all, we must communicate our love for them and the fact that we’re on their side. Withholding love and affection is not a godly response. Refusing to forgive, even temporarily, is a sin (Eph. 4.26-27; Matt. 6.14-15).

Be aware of the problem. Ask for your spouse’s advice and invite them to hold you accountable.

And, of course, pray and ask for God’s discernment and help.

If your family is a blended family (even if not, the principles are the same for biological families) you might want to read, Blended Families Part 5: Favoritism & Other Four-Letter Words and other posts in the series.

Today’s Other Readings:

Psalm 7.9-17:

Righteous Anger & Sinful Anger

God is a just judge, and God is angry with the wicked every day (v. 11).

Because God is perfectly just and because He is a God of mercy and grace, His anger is never sinful.

1 Timothy 2.4 says, He “desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth,” but He could not be good and just if He does not one day judge sin and evil.

But what about human anger?

Human anger is a God-given emotion intended to give us the courage and the strength to overcome our fears and self-consciousness and enable us to solve problems God’s way. But even righteous anger can quickly become sinful if we don’t deal with it quickly and in a righteous way (Eph. 4.26-27, 29-32).

Our anger should not be self-focused. It shouldn’t be about what someone did to us and never about seeking revenge (Rom. 12.19).

Righteous Indignation

Some things should make us mad: babies being sacrificed every day on the altar of sexual freedom, children being taught that homosexuality is inborn and acceptable or that faith in God is foolishness. Those things should cause righteous indignation.

They should make us mad enough to get involved by ministering to hurting, scared, pregnant girls or showing Christ-like love to kids who are deceived into believing homosexuality is just another lifestyle choice. It should help us overcome our sinful fear and learn to share the gospel and defend the Christian faith.

But we must be careful to respond out of our love for God and a desire to see people come to the knowledge of the truth, not out of self-righteousness, and always in a way that brings glory to the Lord.

Proverbs 3.11-12:

The Chastening of the Lord

My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, nor detest His correction; for whom the LORD loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights.

This is a great reminder that though God does sometimes discipline us, it is those “whom the Lord loves He corrects.”

The writer of Hebrews quoted this passage and then went on to say:

But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it (Heb. 12.8-11).

Matthew 10.1-20:

Defending the Faith in Love

¹⁶ Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves. ¹⁷ But beware of men, for they will deliver you up to councils and scourge you in their synagogues.¹⁸ You will be brought before governors and kings for My sake, as a testimony to them and to the Gentiles. ¹⁹ But when they deliver you up, do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak; ²⁰ for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you.

Verses 16-20 should remind us that we, too, face the risk of being “brought before councils” to defend our faith, whether in casual conversations with friends and family or in more formal circumstances. Instead of allowing that possibility to silence us, we need to learn the basics of good Christian doctrine and how to defend our faith. But we also need to remember that it is not about “winning an argument,” but rather about “winning the lost to Christ!” 2 Timothy 2 says:

23 But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. 24 And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, 25 in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, 26 and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.

Coming Up:

In the coming days, we’ll talk about the kind of reality and full disclosure that God offers us in the Bible, the danger of small compromises, the unpardonable sin, whether God can redeem the past, and ask the question “If we act badly because of hormonal issues, is it biology or sin?”

I hope you’ll join me and, if you haven’t already,  take the challenge to read through the Bible with me this year. Even though we may do it imperfectly or miss a day here and there, I find when we set it as a goal, we read far more of God’s Word than we would otherwise. I know we all get far too much email these days but having the daily devotion pop up in your inbox each day can serve as a general reminder to get into God’s Word. It goes out at 6 a.m. MST.

You can also follow me on Twitter, Facebook, or Pinterest, and now listen on YouTube. Just click on the social media icons or go to my YouTube channel.

Blessings as you grow in Christ,
Donna ♥

Note about this post:

I began blogging through the Bible in 2012 and have done so every year since then. These posts are the product of many edits and additions throughout those years. Some days I make major changes, other days fewer. 

A while ago, I read Jen Wilkin’s book None Like Him about the attributes of God. One is His incomprehensibility. In it, she says, “God is incomprehensible. This does not mean that he is unknowable, but that he is unable to be fully known.”

I have found that to be true each year as I’ve gone back through the Bible. Sometimes I find myself feeling as if a passage just appeared there for the first time. I’m reminded that no matter how many times we read through the Bible, we have only scratched the surface. I hope you feel the same.

Indeed these are the mere edges of His ways,
And how small a whisper we hear of Him!
But the thunder of His power who can understand?” (Job 26.14)

I sometimes LINKUP with these blogs.