Family feuds can be some of the most difficult to settle, yet God places a high priority on unity and peace within our biological families and within the family of God.

Sometimes that can be challenging to achieve in the midst of family feuds and misunderstandings. And there are times when we do all we can to be at peace with someone but the other person simply won’t. There can, also, be times when choosing what might look like peace is really a compromise at the cost of truth and righteousness.

Today’s Readings:

2 Kings 14
Psalm 73.10-20
Proverbs 18.18-19
John 20.1-31

Family Feuds, Sissies & Spiritual Ditches

Proverbs 18.18-19:

Family Feuds

A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle (v. 19).

If you have ever been involved in a family feud, you know they can last for years, partly because of the intensity of the emotional ties, partly because of the high expectations most of us place on those closest to us, and partly because of our sinful, selfish hearts. Whenever possible we should seek to avoid unnecessary conflict within our families. Proverbs 17.14 says:

The beginning of strife is like releasing water;
Therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts.

So, what are some common sources of family feuds?

Often, they are over money issues, past hurts, childhood issues like favoritism, or some failure or perceived failure to take responsibilities seriously.

Favoritism

Favoritism is nothing new. Jacob favored Joseph, one of his younger two sons, and it led to jealousy and anger on the part of the older ten (Gen. 37.3-4). So much so that when they got their brother alone, they threw him into a pit while they discussed what to do with him. Then, eventually, sold him to foreign slave traders (Gen. 37.12-36). It would be many years before his father or anyone else would know he was still alive.

That wasn’t the last time Joseph was betrayed and mistreated. But God was using it all to mold and shape him into the man who would become second in command in Egypt. His leadership would save thousands of people including the brothers who sinned against him so grievously (Gen. 39-50).

When his brothers showed up in Egypt many years later, Joseph had the power to imprison them or even put them to death. Instead, he forgave them. Later he said this:

¹⁹ … “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? ²⁰ But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. ²¹ Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.” And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them (Gen. 50.18-21).

Joseph had come to know and trust God and that allowed him to accept what He had sovereignly allowed in his life.

So, if that’s you, if you have been wounded by unfair treatment or some kind of favoritism, how might God want to use it in your life? For what good purpose did God allow it? If you have become bitter and angry, go to God and seek His forgiveness and ask for wisdom to heal any relationship that has been broken as a result.

Responsibility

Whether the issue is grown children who fail to take responsibility for themselves, siblings who are unwilling to help care for aging parents, or some other area of responsibility, we are only accountable for ourselves. And that’s true no matter what someone else does or doesn’t do. 

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (1 Tim. 5.8).

¹⁰ For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat. ¹¹ For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies. ¹² Now those who are such we command and exhort through our Lord Jesus Christ that they work in quietness and eat their own bread (2 Thess. 3.10-12).

God will deal with those who are lazy or irresponsible in His own time and He rewards those who do what’s right with the right heart attitude.

⁷ Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. ⁸ For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. ⁹ And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. ¹⁰ Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith (Gal. 6.7-8).

If this is an issue in your family, put your faith and trust in God. Seek to do what is pleasing to Him (2 Cor. 5.9-10). And leave the results in His wise and loving hands.

Money Issues

When it comes to money, the Bible has plenty to say:

⁷ Now therefore, it is already an utter failure for you that you go to law against one another. Why do you not rather accept wrong? Why do you not rather let yourselves be cheated? ⁸ No, you yourselves do wrong and cheat, and you do these things to your brethren! (1 Cor. 6.7-8).

How we respond when it comes to money reveals a lot about our trust in God. Matthew 6:

¹⁹ “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; ²⁰ but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

²⁴ “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon [money].

When We’re Wronged by a Family Member

So when we’re wronged by a family member, we need to remember that our all-knowing Heavenly Father sees everything. We need to stay focused on what we know is the right thing to do and leave justice in His hands (Rom. 12.17-21).

We need to study God’s character and get to know Him better through His Word so we can understand how He works in our lives (Rom. 8.28-29; Jas. 1.2-4; 1 Cor. 10.13). And we need to seek to overcome evil with good (Rom. 12.21) and do our best to live at peace with those in our family (Rom. 12.18).

But that doesn’t mean that we should seek peace at all costs.  There are times when we must speak the truth in love, do the right thing even when it’s unpopular, or make biblical choices though they don’t fit our family traditions. And sometimes, doing right can lead to division in a family.

Peacemaking or Peace Faking

Peacemaker Ministries has a series of books on resolving conflict. They use a chart they call “The Slippery Slope” to illustrate the importance of genuine peacemaking and the danger of sliding down either side of the slippery slope into either attack responses (peace breaking) or escape responses (peace faking). While peace breakers attack others with their words and actions, peace fakers run away, deny, or otherwise seek to avoid all conflict instead of dealing with issues biblically.

Doing our best to be at peace with others in those circumstances requires us to be loving and respectful in the way we disagree or take a stand. We are not to act self-righteous or try to argue people into seeing things from our point of view. Paul told Timothy:

²³ But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. ²⁴ And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, ²⁵ in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, ²⁶ and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will (2 Tim. 2.23-26).

Through it all, remember that the willingness to forgive is one mark of a true believer. We can forgive, not based on our feelings, but based on promises just as God forgives us based on promises (1 Jn. 1.9; Eph. 4.32).

To read more about forgiving God’s way, you might want to read, “How to Forgive When You’re Not Feeling It.”

Those Who Won’t Be at Peace

But let’s take a look at Romans 12.18:

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.

“If it is possible …” At times, even though we refrain from arguing or being self-righteous and unnecessarily contentious, there are those who do not want to be at peace with us, even in our own families. We are to be salt and light. Salt sometimes stings and light exposes darkness. And sometimes that brings anger and rejection from others.

But while family feuds can be challenging and emotions can run high, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do all we can to live at peace and reconcile those relationships when they are broken (Matt. 5.23-24).

As I said, God puts a high priority on unity and reconciliation and we should do all we can to be at peace within our biological families and within the family of God.

Christianity is not for sissies! It takes strength of character to humble yourself, take responsibility for your part in the problem, and forgive others regardless of their willingness to accept responsibility or do good in return.

Today’s Other Readings:

2 Kings 14:

Pride & Spiritual Ditches

Judah has a new King named Amaziah. This new king started out well. Verse 3 says, “He did what was right in the sight of the Lord.”

Then God gave him victory in battle over the Edomites. Instead of giving glory to God, he became prideful and challenged the king of Israel to war. That foolish decision led to his defeat, the destruction of part of Jerusalem, the plundering of the temple, and the taking of hostages. But pride wasn’t the only factor in his downfall.

2 Chronicles 25.14-16 gives us some additional insight:

14 Now it was so, after Amaziah came from the slaughter of the Edomites, that he brought the gods of the people of Seir, set them up to be his gods, and bowed down before them and burned incense to them. 15 Therefore the anger of the LORD was aroused against Amaziah, and He sent him a prophet who said to him, ‘Why have you sought the gods of the people, which could not rescue their own people from your hand?’ 16 So it was, as he talked with him, that the king said to him, ‘Have we made you the king’s counselor? Cease! Why should you be killed?’ Then the prophet ceased, and said, ‘I know that God has determined to destroy you, because you have done this and have not heeded my advice.’

He embraced the false religion of those he had just defeated! And when God sent a prophet to warn him, he merely silenced the voice of God!

The same thing can happen to us if we don’t stay teachable. Instead, if we are reproved, corrected, or criticized, we should receive it humbly. And if we don’t believe it’s justified, take it to the Lord in prayer and ask if there is even a nugget of truth in it. Doing so will keep us from falling into pride and help keep us out of spiritual ditches.

Psalm 73

Are You Ever Angry Because Wicked People Seem to Prosper?

I commented on this entire Psalm in yesterday’s post, “When It Seems Wicked People Prosper.” If you missed it, I hope you’ll check it out.

John 20.1-31:

That You May Know

Thomas, often called “Doubting Thomas,” had a tough time believing Jesus had really risen from the dead, but then so did all the others, at first. Instead of rebuking him, the Lord confirmed the truth to Thomas.

The Apostle John later wrote:

And this is the testimony: that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son. He who has the Son has life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have life. These things I have written to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know that you have eternal life, and that you may continue to believe in the name of the Son of God (1 Jn. 5.11-13).

God wants each of us “to know,” just as He did Thomas. So when you struggle with doubts, take them to the Lord, and ask Him to open your eyes so you can see more clearly, then trust the Holy Spirit who lives in you to confirm the truth:

The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God (Rom. 8.16).

What about You? A Thought to Ponder or Journal

Is there someone with whom you need to be reconciled? If so, read Matthew 7.1-5. Pray for wisdom, go humbly, and remember it’s about the glory of God!

Coming Up:

In the coming days, we’ll talk about the importance of godly friends, the blame game, whether our Christianity could be just a facade, and consider whether we might neglect prayer until it’s the last resort.

I hope you’ll sign up so you don’t miss any of them. You might also like to check out our YouTube channel.

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Blessings as you grow in Christ,
Donna ♥

Note about this post:

I began blogging through the Bible in 2012 and have done so every year since then. These posts are the product of many edits and additions throughout those years. Some days I make major changes, other days fewer. 

A while ago, I read Jen Wilkin’s book None Like Him about the attributes of God. One is His incomprehensibility. In it, she says, “God is incomprehensible. This does not mean that he is unknowable, but that he is unable to be fully known.”

I have found that to be true each year as I’ve gone back through the Bible. Sometimes I find myself feeling as if a passage just appeared there for the first time. I’m reminded that no matter how many times we read through the Bible, we have only scratched the surface. I hope you feel the same.

Indeed these are the mere edges of His ways,
And how small a whisper we hear of Him!
But the thunder of His power who can understand?” (Job 26.14)

I sometimes LINKUP with these blogs.