Have you ever wished someone could tell you how to change your husband (or wife)? If you’re like me, you have tried and failed and tried again. Sometimes, our husbands do need changing and God wants us to be part of that process. But our Proverbs reading reminds us that we won’t help them change by doing it in ungodly ways. In fact, the best way to help our husbands change may seem counter intuitive.

Today’s Readings:

1 Chronicles 7 & 8
Psalm 77.4-9
Proverbs 19.13-14
Acts 5.22-42

How to Change Your Husband (or Wife)

Proverbs 19.13-14:

Drip, Drip, Drip …

Today’s two verses in Proverbs contrast two different kinds of wives:

The first kind is “continually dripping”—constantly nagging. The second kind is “prudent” or wise.

If you have ever had a dripping faucet, you know how annoying it can be. When we nag, it’s not only annoying but also foolish. It’s foolish to think we’ll change our husbands that way. It’s foolish to think we’ll make our marriages better. And it’s foolish to think God will bless something that is the opposite of what He commands us to do. 1 Peter 3 (NLT) says:

¹ In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over ² by observing your pure and reverent lives.

God gives us clear instructions about the kind of wives that have the best chance of impacting and helping change their husbands. It’s our godly lives that will speak louder than any amount of nagging.

So, how do we help change our husbands biblically?

How to Change Your Husband Biblically

Sometimes our husbands do need changing. Some may need to come to know the Lord. Others may be harsh, unloving, selfish, or inconsiderate.

But we must realize that we can’t nag anyone into the kingdom or nag someone into changing. In fact, many unsaved husbands have been pushed farther from God by wives who beat them over the head with the Bible. And difficult marriages are only made worse by nagging and arguing.

If your husband is unsaved, he is your primary mission field. You are Christ’s ambassador in your home (2 Cor. 5.20). You represent Jesus. Your husband should see your loving Savior living His life through you. But you cannot become his personal Holy Spirit.

Seek to live out Philippians 2.3-4:

³ Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. ⁴ Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

A Me-Culture

We live in a me-culture. It’s all about our rights, our happiness, and our way. But that’s not how Christ intends for us to live. It’s not how He lived. We’re to lay down our lives for others. Neither is it the way to change our husbands.

We are to love our husbands (and husbands are to love their wives) biblically. To do that we must first realize that biblical love is not primarily a feeling. Biblical love is action. It’s a commitment. A decision. 1 Corinthians 13.4-7 gives us a great list of the things love does or in some cases doesn’t do:

⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance (NLT).

We can decide to be patient and kind, polite instead of rude, let go of wrongs, choose the unselfish thing, and give up our own way, even when the feelings aren’t there.

Pure & Reverent

1 Peter 3.1-2 says husbands are “won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.”

Reverent in this context means respectful. God made our husbands to desire our respect and He commanded us to do just that. Ephesians 5 tells us to submit to our husband’s leadership and show them respect (Eph. 5.22-24, 33). This is not about who is more mature spiritually, who makes more money, who has a stronger personality, or even who seems “right.” It’s about the way God designed marriage to work and living obediently before Him.

The word translated as pure has to do with blamelessness, cleanness, and modesty. This is about living upright, godly, mature Christian lives. As wives, we should pray for God’s help to be pure and reverent.

We’re to seek to overcome evil with good (Rom. 12.21). Withholding affection, giving our spouses the silent treatment, and other ways of getting even or making them pay, only make matters worse and are displeasing to the Lord.

Cultivate the Fruit of the Spirit

We should cultivate the fruit of the Spirit.

²² But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,²³ gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!

²⁴ Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. ²⁵ Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives (Gal. 5 NLT).

If we are believers, the Holy Spirit lives in us and will empower us to grow in the fruit of a Christian life. We should meditate on these qualities and ask for His help to think and act accordingly.

Husbands, Too!

And while I’m speaking mostly to wives, many of the same principles apply to husbands encouraging their wives to change. When husbands love their wives sacrificially, lay down their lives for them, seek to overcome evil with good, and grow in the fruit of the spirit, it’s a purifying love (Eph. 5.25-29). That kind of love makes us want to love them back and be the kind of wives God has called us to be.

But each of us must keep our focus on ourselves. It’s easy to see what the other person is doing wrong, yet God says it must start with us (Matt. 7.1-5). In reality, we can’t change anyone, not even ourselves without God’s help. But the best way to encourage our spouses to change is by becoming the husband or wife God wants us to be.

A Word of Caution

Sometimes when I share these truths, someone will say, “I tried that. It didn’t work.”

If we do these things merely to get our spouse to change, we are doing them with the wrong motivation. We are to obey God out of our desire to love (Matt 22.37) and please Him (2 Cor. 5.9). Whether or not our spouses change or how quickly is up to God. We’re merely called to be faithful (1 Cor. 4.2).

Today’s Other Readings:

1 Chronicles 7 & 8:

Land, Seed & Blessings

If you’re like me, it can be challenging at times to read through all the genealogies in 1 Chronicles, but genealogies were important to the nation of Israel for a number of reasons. Mainly because they tied everything back to the Abrahamic covenant.

The promises of the covenant included land, seed (descendants), and blessings. When the nation of Israel entered the promised land, God assigned a portion of the land to each tribe. If a Jew could not prove his family ancestry, he could risk his tribal inheritance. In the case of the Levites, men were not able to serve in the priesthood unless they could prove that they were descended from the tribe of Levi through Aaron.

In fact, all the blessings of Jewish life were tied to one’s ability to prove he or she was a Jew and able to claim the blessings and privileges of Jewish life and culture as a descendant of Abraham.

But the most important reason to maintain the genealogical record had to do with tracing the line of the Messiah. Matthew and Luke both include Jesus’ genealogy in their gospels. In fact, Luke’s account traces it all the way back to Adam.

So perhaps as we read these genealogies, we might meditate on God’s faithfulness to provide the Redeemer we all so desperately needed and to show us how He extended grace starting with the fall of man (Gen. 3.15).

Psalm 77.4-9:

Confusion & Sleepless Nights

The psalmist is so caught up in his problems that he can’t sleep or even explain how he’s feeling. Thinking about better times only makes him more depressed and, try as he may, he can’t see a solution. In tomorrow’s reading, we’ll see where all this leads him.

Acts 5.22-42:

Obey God Rather than Men

Peter and John had been miraculously released from prison after being forbidden to preach the Gospel. Instead of running home and hiding, they returned to the temple to preach. When they were brought back before the authorities and charged with doing what they had been told to stop, they said, “We ought to obey God rather than men.”

This cannot be used as an excuse to disobey all civil authority. In fact, Romans 13 tells us that we should obey the civil authorities. The only time we have the right, really the responsibility, to disobey those in authority over us is when we are being asked to sin—that is to disobey the direct commands of God.

This applies to any authority, whether on the job, in the public arena, or at home. In those cases, we too must obey God rather than men, even to our own hurt. In this case, the Apostles had been given a specific command from God to go and preach. I talked more about this in a couple of earlier posts: “When Is It Right to Disobey Those in Authority?” and “Could You Get Excited about Persecution?”

Coming Up:

In the coming days, we’ll talk about the importance of godly friends, the circle of blessing, and the importance of being able to explain the basics of the Christian faith.

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Blessings as you grow in Christ,
Donna ♥

Note about this post:

I began blogging through the Bible in 2012 and have done so every year since then. These posts are the product of many edits and additions throughout those years. Some days I make major changes, other days fewer. 

A while ago, I read Jen Wilkin’s book None Like Him about the attributes of God. One is His incomprehensibility. In it, she says, “God is incomprehensible. This does not mean that he is unknowable, but that he is unable to be fully known.”

I have found that to be true each year as I’ve gone back through the Bible. Sometimes I find myself feeling as if a passage just appeared there for the first time. I’m reminded that no matter how many times we read through the Bible, we have only scratched the surface. I hope you feel the same.

Indeed these are the mere edges of His ways,
And how small a whisper we hear of Him!
But the thunder of His power who can understand?” (Job 26.14)

I sometimes LINKUP with these blogs.