We’ve all heard it, read it, and probably been told it at some time or another: “Just forgive!” Or sometimes it is put in more secular terms: “Get over it!”
Those of us who are walking with the Lord know we should forgive and, in many instances, we want to but sometimes, we just don’t know how.
“Just Forgive? But How?”
In Matthew 6 Jesus teaches us to pray, “and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (v. 12). To drive the point home He follows His model prayer with this:
14 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Granting and receiving forgiveness are both important to our walks with God.
1 John 1.8-10 says:
8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.
And the Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:
31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
We aren’t to merely let things go, sweep them under the rug, get over them, or pretend a wrong never happened. We are to actively forgive. And to do it the way God forgives us.
So, how do we forgive when it doesn’t come naturally?
What Forgiveness Isn’t
First, forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. There is a misconception that if we’re to forgive like God does, we’re to forget. But the Scripture doesn’t say God forgets our sin. It says He doesn’t remember it (Is. 43.25). God is omniscient. He knows everything. But He chooses not to remember or focus on our sins. We, too, can choose to overlook and not dwell on someone else’s sin. But it doesn’t mean we can’t recall what happened.
Second, forgiveness isn’t about feelings. There will be times when we won’t feel like obeying God in many areas, but we can choose to obey in spite of our feelings. Jesus didn’t feel like going to the cross, but He obeyed His Father anyway (Matt. 26.39).
How to Forgive
So, how can we forgive even when it goes against our feelings or we don’t know where to start?
First, pray and ask for God’s help. Hebrews 4 tells us:
14 Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. 15 For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
Second, understand that while forgiveness involves a decision, it may require a process to walk it out. While we aren’t to wait until we feel like forgiving, we may have to repeat some of the steps over and over and recommit the situation to God.
Third, decide to let God mete out any justice. That doesn’t mean there aren’t times when we should report a crime or follow through with appropriate consequences in certain cases like abuse, for example (Rom. 13.1-4). But on a heart level, we must refuse to hold on to bitterness or seek our own revenge (Rom. 12.17-21; Heb. 12.14-15).
We sometimes believe that if we truly forgive, the other person will have gotten away with that wrong or they’ll think it’s OK to do it again. But no one gets away with anything. Either there are genuine repentance and salvation. In which case, Christ took the punishment on their behalf just as He has for all who belong to Him. Or there will be an accounting in this life or the next.
Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord (Heb. 12.19).
Fourth, understand that forgiveness is essentially a three-fold promise and we can keep a promise even when it goes against our feelings.
The 3 Promises of Forgiveness
The 3 promises of forgiveness are:
- Don’t bring it up to the other person in an accusing way.
- Don’t talk to others about it.
- Don’t dwell on it ourselves.
Once we have made the decision to forgive and we have prayed and asked for God’s help, we must promise to no longer hold it over the other person head. We aren’t to pull it out of some gunny sack when there is an argument or the other person makes another mistake. We are to treat them as God treats us.
We are not to gossip to others about it. Again, God doesn’t go around pointing out our sin to others.
Finally, we are not to dwell on the offense ourselves. This is perhaps the most important and hardest part of the equation. Every time we play that mental video, we relive the hurt and anger. This is harmful to us, damaging to our relationships, displeasing to the Lord (Matt. 6.14-15; Phil. 4.8; Prov. 4.23; 2 Cor. 5.9-10), and makes it almost impossible for us to heal and have the peace and joy God desires.
Christ is our example when it comes to forgiveness and entrusting the other person to God (Lk. 23.34). 2 Peter 2 says:
20 For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. 21 For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps:
22 “Who committed no sin,
Nor was deceit found in His mouth”;23 who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously.
If we will choose to forgive, God will come alongside us and give us the help and grace we need. We’ll enjoy closer relationships with God and others. And we’ll grow in the fruit of the Spirit and the character of Christ.
Here Is What Has Been Happening this Past Week at Soul Survival:
“Is Your Christianity Just a Veneer?”
“How Do You Respond to Criticism?”
“Family Feuds, Sissies & Spiritual Ditches”
“Why Bother Doing What is Right?!?”
“Hope When the Pressure Seems Too Much”
“Living Based on the Hope that is within Us”
Most Read This Month:
“What’s Wrong with Living Together?”
Coming Up in the Daily Posts:
In the coming days, we’ll talk about the importance of godly friends, the blame game, persecution, hypocrisy, and God’s timing.
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Blessings,
Donna
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