How do you handle conflict? Do you always have to have the last word? Does your temper quickly kick in? Even when you try to resolve conflicts well, does it seem that things only escalate? Are there some simple principles that when applied to conflicts can lead to peace instead?

And from our Old Testament reading:

What is your attitude toward the singing during Sunday morning worship? Is it something you see as nice “if you make it on time”? Do you purposely come in late to avoid it? What does the Bible teach about worship that might change your mind about its importance?

Today’s Readings:

1 Chronicles 23-25
Psalm 78.40-55
Proverbs 20.3
Acts 9.22-43

Handling Conflict Well

Proverbs 20.3:

Quarreling Fools

Today’s verse gets right to the point when it comes to fussing and fighting:

It is honorable for a man to stop striving, since any fool can start a quarrel.

We often think it proves something when we win an argument, and though there are truths worth standing up for, even then, a believer is not to be argumentative (2 Tim. 2.23). It’s not about “winning.” This verse reminds us that it is often more honorable to lay it down, to let the other person have the last word, to be the better person!

Proverbs 26.4 says:

Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will also be like him.

So when two people are both determined to win an argument at all costs, what you end up with is two fools talking to each other.

So, how can we learn to handle conflict in more God-honoring ways?

Handling Conflict

There are dozens of passages in the Bible that can help us handle conflict better. Today I’d like to share several that should influence every aspect of our lives, including how we handle conflict.

• 2 Corinthians 5.9 (NLT):

So whether we are here in this body or away from this body, our goal is to please him.

When I teach on this verse, I like to use three simple statements I learned years ago to make the point that this needs to be our overarching goal in life:

1. My goal in life is to please God (2 Cor. 5.9).
2. I please God as I become like Jesus Christ (Matt. 3.17).
3. God knows I won’t be perfect, but He does expect me to be growing (Eph. 4.14-15).

Pleasing God should always be at the forefront of our thinking as we interact with others, even when there is conflict.

The next time you get into an argument with someone, ask yourself, where was God in my thinking while we were arguing?

But this isn’t about condemnation after the fact. Instead, let the conviction that comes when you realize God was nowhere in your thinking propel you to meditate on 2 Corinthians 5.9. Memorize it and think about it often. Ask God to help you make that the attitude of your heart.

• Matthew 22.37-40 (NKJV):

³⁶ “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”

³⁷ Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’³⁸ This is the first and great commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’⁴⁰ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

A great deal of conflict is self-centered. It’s about wanting our own way and what we think is best. It’s about preference issues that can be set aside out of love for God and others.

But loving our neighbor doesn’t mean we can or even should avoid all conflict.

Certainly, we should avoid unnecessary conflict and conflict that is purely selfish, but there are times when important issues must be solved and sinful patterns of life need to be confronted biblically.

Loving our neighbor at those times means we handle conflicts without becoming sinfully angry or mean-spirited. Instead, we should maintain a loving attitude toward the other person and keep God’s glory in mind.

• 1 Corinthians 13.4-7 (NASB):

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, ⁵ does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, ⁶ does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; ⁷ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

With God’s help, even when there is conflict, we are to be patient and kind, not prideful or selfish, not rude or determined to have our own way. And we can give the other person the benefit of the doubt (believe all things) whenever possible.

Again, these are ways of thinking that we must purposefully work to develop. A good way is to read through this passage frequently and ask yourself some heart-probing questions. How did I do today? Was I patient? Was I kind? And go on through the list. If not, have you confessed it to God and those you have sinned against? It doesn’t matter if the other person is guilty of the same or even worse, each of us is responsible for ourselves (Matt. 7.3-5).

• James 1.19-20 (NASB):

¹⁹ This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; ²⁰ for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

Handling conflict biblically means we spend more time listening than talking. Proverbs 18.2 says:

A fool has no delight in understanding,
But in expressing his own heart.

And Proverbs 18.13 says:

He who answers a matter before he hears it,
It is folly and shame to him.

We should be careful not to jump to conclusions or try to intimidate or manipulate with sinful anger.

We should, also, listen to all sides of a story whenever possible because Proverbs 18.17 warns us that:

The first one to plead his cause seems right,
Until his neighbor comes and examines him.

• Philippians 2.3-4:

³ Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. ⁴ Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

Even when dealing with important issues or confronting sin, we aren’t to do so selfishly but with the other person’s welfare in mind. As a mentor of mine used to say, “It’s not about you!” Again, it’s always about God and His glory.

If you would like to know more about resolving conflict, Ken Sande has a little gem of a book called Resolving Everyday Conflict that I would highly recommend. It was written a while ago, but you can read my review of the book here.

Today’s Other Readings:

1 Chronicles 23, 24 & 25:

How Is Your Worship Attitude?

How important is music in our corporate worship services? Apparently, David believed it was very important. Look at Chapter 25.1:

Moreover David and the captains of the army separated for the service some of the sons of Asaph, of Heman, and of Jeduthun, who should prophesy with harps, stringed instruments, and cymbals.

The passage goes on to tell us there were 288 singers, plus musicians and support staff, 4,000 in all! What a music ministry that must have been! There were people singing and praising the Lord all the time!

And when I read the Psalms and other passages of Scripture, it appears to me that God loves to receive our heartfelt praises often expressed through music and singing.

How do you view that time in the service where the truths of God are being proclaimed through music and song? Do you see it as just the prelude to the service, something to be enjoyed “if you make it on time”? Do you purposely arrive late to avoid it? Or do you see it as a time when you really focus on God and worship Him? Do you allow the words of the songs to penetrate your heart? Do you “think about” and “meditate on” the words you’re singing? Or have you allowed it to become merely “vain repetition“?

Let’s ask God to give us a “right spirit” where praise and worship are concerned.

Psalm 78.40-55:

Remember and Have a Thankful Heart

Like the ancient Israelites, we are forgetful people, forgetful hearers of His Word, and forgetful about the wonderful things He has done. If all He ever did for us, was die for our sins so we don’t have to spend eternity separated from Him, it should be enough. But He does so much more.

Take time to thank Him today. Keep a list of answers to prayer, so you can “encourage yourself in the Lord” and have a thankful heart!

Acts 9.22-43:

Should We Be Locked up for a While?

If you’ve been reading along with me, you know there is a new convert on the scene here in chapter 9 by the name of Saul. He will become the great apostle we know as Paul. He is so bold that people, almost immediately, want to kill him. When the brethren realize what is happening, they send him away to Tarsus. He is out of the spotlight for several years, perhaps because God wanted his undivided attention for a while.

But I’ve heard it said that some of us after we are saved should be locked up for a while. In our enthusiasm for what God has done in our lives, we can sometimes do more harm than good.

Of course, our faithful God uses, even that, for good and then He begins to mature us and give us more wisdom about when and how to share the truth. But for that to happen, we must spend time alone with Him, reading and studying, meditating on the truths of Scripture, allowing Him to penetrate our hearts and make the Word truly come alive.

Then as we continue to walk with Him, as students and doers of the Word, we grow in wisdom and discernment. Hebrews 5.14 says:

But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.

Why not pick out a passage today? Read it in context, at least the full chapter, more if time allows. Write it on a slip of paper and carry it with you. Pull it out throughout the day and meditate on it. Think about what it says, what it means in your life, and how God wants you to apply it.

What about You? Questions to Ponder or Journal:

Do you find yourself arguing … maybe a lot? Do you feel like you have to have the last word or win the argument? How could you grow in the area of resolving conflict?

How’s your attitude toward corporate worship? Do you need to meditate on His character and all that God has done for you? Ask Him to give you a desire to worship Him as He deserves to be worshiped.

Coming Up:

In the coming days, we’ll talk about the importance of godly friends, 4 questions to ask when faced with decisions, the desires of your heart, the First National Bank of God, parenting, praying for our nation, and what it means to heap burning coals on someone who has hurt you.

I hope you’ll sign up so you don’t miss any of them. You might also like to check out our YouTube channel.

If this post spoke to you, I would love it if you would share it on your favorite social media platform.

And if you don’t already have a copy, you might want to purchase a copy of my eBook, 10 Benefits of Keeping a Spiritual Journal. It’s available on Kindle through Amazon.

Blessings as you grow in Christ,
Donna ♥

Note about this post:

I began blogging through the Bible in 2012 and have done so every year since then. These posts are the product of many edits and additions throughout those years. Some days I make major changes, other days fewer. 

A while ago, I read Jen Wilkin’s book None Like Him about the attributes of God. One is His incomprehensibility. In it, she says, “God is incomprehensible. This does not mean that he is unknowable, but that he is unable to be fully known.”

I have found that to be true each year as I’ve gone back through the Bible. Sometimes I find myself feeling as if a passage just appeared there for the first time. I’m reminded that no matter how many times we read through the Bible, we have only scratched the surface. I hope you feel the same.

Indeed these are the mere edges of His ways,
And how small a whisper we hear of Him!
But the thunder of His power who can understand?” (Job 26.14)

I sometimes LINKUP with these blogs.