We all want our children to grow up successful in their chosen endeavors and leaders in various areas of life. That might mean being a great mom or dad or in a career or both. But we need to be careful not to focus on success and leadership from a worldly perspective. God’s will in those areas is very clear. I’ve talked about success in other posts but today we’ll look at God’s kind of leadership … servant leadership. And there is a warning here, as well, because when we fail to teach these principles, we set our children up for failure in every area of life.
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And now on to the Word …
Today’s Readings:
Exodus 11 & 12
Psalm 18.1-12
Proverbs 6.1-5
Matthew 20.17-34
Jesus, Parenting & Servant Leadership
Matthew 20.17-34:
Selfishness & Self-Promotion the Opposite of Servant Leadership
Let’s start with verses 20-23 in this chapter of Matthew. They give us a glimpse into the very human nature of the disciples:
20 Then the mother of Zebedee’s sons came to Him with her sons, kneeling down and asking something from Him.
21 And He said to her, “What do you wish?”
She said to Him, “Grant that these two sons of mine may sit, one on Your right hand and the other on the left, in Your kingdom.”
22 But Jesus answered and said, “You do not know what you ask. Are you able to drink the cup that I am about to drink, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with?”
They said to Him, “We are able.”
23 So He said to them, “You will indeed drink My cup, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with; but to sit on My right hand and on My left is not Mine to give, but it is for those for whom it is prepared by My Father.”
The sons of Zebedee, James and John, who were grown men, either convinced or allowed their mother to ask Jesus if they could be His two top advisers when He established His kingdom.
What a picture of our sinful, selfish nature apart from the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit. After the day of Pentecost, there would be a great change in them but here in Matthew 20, the disciples who had been with Jesus for a large part of His earthly ministry, listening to Him teach and learning from Him, were still focused on themselves.
A Spiritual Kingdom
It’s, also, obvious they still didn’t understand the kind of kingdom He had come to establish. Like most other Jews, they expected the Messiah to overthrow the oppressive Roman government, but Jesus had come to establish a spiritual kingdom.
The rest of the disciples weren’t much better, “And when the ten heard it, they were greatly displeased with the two brothers” (v. 24). The text continues:
25 But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. 26 Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant.27 And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave—28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (vv. 25-28).
I have to wonder if there wasn’t a bit of a sigh and a “Don’t you guys get it?” But Jesus simply explained the nature of godly servant leadership. This is important to remember when we feel like our kids are just “not getting it” in this or some other area.
But it’s not just our children who are called to servant leadership. It’s us, too. One of the ways we are to teach this principle is by modeling it ourselves.
Servant Leadership & Our Parenting
How does servant leadership look in parenting?
It doesn’t mean we wait on them hand and foot and neglect teaching them personal responsibility. It means we pray for God’s grace to do what’s best for them even when we’re tired or it’s inconvenient.
With God’s help, we should teach them respect, responsibility, and obedience, not to make our own lives easier or to look like successful parents to others, but to see them grow up to be godly men and women.
Serving our children, also, includes godly, loving, consistent discipline. Being overly permissive or allowing our home to be child-centered rather than God-centered is not serving our children well.
Looking Forward & Servant Leadership
As I said, godly parenting is not about spoiling them. It’s not catering to their every whim, giving them every toy or gadget, or always letting them do what they want. When our children grow up thinking they are the center of the universe and “deserve” everything they can get, we have done them a huge disservice.
On the other hand, it doesn’t mean that we view them as our “little slaves,” never give them that special toy or gadget, or always say “no” to their requests.
A good question to ask as we seek to teach this principle is, “Am I raising the kind of son or daughter I’d want to be married to, have work for me, or have as my boss someday?”
Servant Leadership & God’s Grace
Part of our job is to help our children understand that it truly is more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20.35) and that in losing their lives for God and others, true life comes (Lk. 9:23-24; Matt. 16:25). That will not happen simply because we take them to church, because they memorize all their Sunday school verses or because we preach at them all the time!
It means we must live out these truths ourselves, not perfectly, but by walking in grace-empowered obedience. They need to see us preferring others as more important than ourselves (Phil. 2:3-4), laying down our lives for God and others (Lk. 9.23-24), keeping our word to our own hurt (Matt. 5.33-37), and seeking forgiveness from God and others, including them, when we fall short (Matt. 5.21-26; 1 Jn. 1.9).
What Is Servant Leadership?
So, what is servant leadership? Servant leadership is choosing to lead with God’s principles in mind. It’s looking out for the well-being and the ultimate good of those we are leading (Phil. 2.3-4). Jesus modeled servant leadership in John 13 when He washed the disciples’ feet, one of the most menial of jobs. Yet, no one doubted who was Lord in that situation.
The goal of servant leadership can be found in Ephesians 4.12-16:
12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, 14 so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. 15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.
Not Apart from the Holy Spirit
But just as it was true with the disciples, we can’t do these things apart from the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit. So we must first understand the gospel and allow Christ to transform our lives.
And as we do our best to teach servant leadership to our children we must help them understand that each of us is selfish by nature, that we have all sinned and fall short of God’s standard (Rom. 3.23), and that we need His grace and His Holy Spirit to be who God has called us to be.
It’s, also, important to see those times when we fail or when our children fail as redemptive moments. They are opportunities to help them see their need for Christ and the salvation that only He can provide. And they are opportunities for us to model humility by seeking their forgiveness or graciously forgiving them. Forgiving them doesn’t necessarily mean the removal of all consequences but it does mean not withholding love, affection, and fellowship.
So, let’s pray for God’s help to practice servant leadership and instill those desires in our children, as well.
If you’d like to read a good article on the subject of servant leadership, you might check out this post from GotQuestions.org.
Some Good Parenting Resources
No affiliate links. Just some of the best books I know of on parenting:
- Parenting by Paul Tripp
- Age of Opportunity by Paul Tripp
- Getting a Grip by Lou Priolo
- The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo
- Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick
Today’s Other Readings:
Exodus 11 & 12:
The First Passover
God is about to deliver His people from Egyptian bondage. But before Pharaoh will let them go, there will be one last plague, the death of the firstborn.
To protect themselves, each Israelite family was to sacrifice a lamb and put some of the blood on the door frames of their houses. When the death angel saw it, he would pass over that home. Each year afterward they were to do the same as a memorial to their deliverance and as a temporary covering for their sin. This became the holy day known as Passover.
Jesus, on the night before He was arrested and the events leading up to the crucifixion began, was in the upper room celebrating Passover with His disciples. On that night, as He was about to become the final Passover Lamb, that celebration or ordinance became what we call “Communion” or “The Lord’s Supper.” It changed because there was no longer a need for a sacrificial lamb to be slain to temporarily cover sin. Jesus fulfilled that need once and for all. When we participate in communion, we’re to remember what He did on our behalf and celebrate His death, burial, and resurrection.
Praise be to the Lamb who was slain for you and me!
Psalm 18.1-12:
Choosing to Love
This psalm begins “I will love You, O Lord, …”
I will love You. Love is primarily a choice and a commitment, not a feeling. This is especially true in our human relationships. Feelings of love will come and go, but if we stay faithful to our commitments to love in word and deed our feelings will follow.
Feelings and emotions are wonderful gifts from God, but lousy leaders! Just as we’re to use God’s parenting principles with our children, we must learn to be led by all of God’s principles and not our feelings.
Proverbs 6.1-5:
Becoming Surety for Another
My son, if you have become surety for your friend (v. 1) … deliver yourself like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter … (v. 5).
While there may be a limited number of times when co-signing is allowable, we should be very cautious about taking on other people’s debts by co-signing or guaranteeing loans. Not only is it unwise for us, but we are often getting in God’s way as He works in the life of the other person. This is especially true with our grown children. Co-signing and bailing them out of problems often only slows down their willingness to grow in responsibility and spiritual maturity.
Closing thoughts:
So, how’s your heart? Is it the heart of a servant leader?
How are you doing when it comes to applying the parenting principles we discussed? Are you raising kids who know what it means to be servant leaders? Are they growing to become the husband, wife, parent, employer, or employee God wants them to be? How will this help prepare them to become useful members of the body of Christ?
Coming Up:
In the coming days, we’ll talk about idols of the heart, how journaling can help us in our relationships with God and others, how whining affects our lives, and about dealing with difficult people and strong-willed children.
I hope you’ll join us and if this post spoke to you, please share it on your favorite social media platform.
Blessings as you grow in Christ,
Donna ♥
What Is Your Plan for Bible Intake This Year?
I hope you’ll prayerfully consider reading through the Bible with me again or for the first time. The readings only take 15-20 minutes a day and the commentary will help you think more deeply about what you’ve read. So, don’t forget to sign up for my daily email or subscribe here for the YouTube version.
Following along with me can help you stay on track. And I believe you’ll benefit from the additional information I share and grow as you learn to apply God’s Word to your own life.
Here’s today’s Bible in a Year video on YouTube.
[space]Note about this post:
I began blogging through the Bible in 2012 and have done so every year since then. These posts are the product of many edits and additions throughout those years. Some days I make major changes, other days fewer.
A while ago, I read Jen Wilkin’s book None Like Him about the attributes of God. One is His incomprehensibility. In it, she says, “God is incomprehensible. This does not mean that he is unknowable, but that he is unable to be fully known.”
I have found that to be true each year as I’ve gone back through the Bible. Sometimes I find myself feeling as if a passage just appeared there for the first time. I’m reminded that no matter how many times we read through the Bible, we have only scratched the surface. I hope you feel the same.
Indeed these are the mere edges of His ways,
And how small a whisper we hear of Him!
But the thunder of His power who can understand?” (Job 26.14)
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