The Bible says a lot about wives submitting to their own husbands. But what if you’re married to an unreasonable husband or one who is harsh, unsaved, or even sinning? How should a wife respond to an unreasonable spouse? Surely, God doesn’t expect wives to be submissive then! And what about husbands? How are they to treat their wives, even those who are unsubmissive or difficult to live with?
Today’s Readings:
Ezekiel 45 & 46
Psalm 135.1-7
Proverbs 29.8
1 Peter 3.1-22
Responding to an Unreasonable Spouse
1 Peter 3.1-22:
Bondservants of God
Yesterday as we looked at chapter 2, we began talking about how we should respond to persecution and harsh treatment, especially from those who are in authority over us.
Let’s look back at chapter 2, beginning in verse 13:
13 Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake, whether to the king as supreme, 14 or to governors, as to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and for the praise of those who do good. 15 For this is the will of God, that by doing good you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men— 16 as free, yet not using liberty as a cloak for vice, but as bondservants of God.
For the Lord’s Sake
Notice that we do this “for the Lord’s sake” and one of the purposes is that “by doing good you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.”
Then Peter gives some examples of submission, beginning with servants:
18 Servants, be submissive to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the harsh.
Servants were to submit, not only to good masters but to those who were harsh.
19 For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God one endures grief, suffering wrongfully. 20 For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. 21 For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps:
22 “Who committed no sin,
Nor was deceit found in His mouth”;23 who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously;
Christ was to be their example (and ours). He didn’t return reviling for reviling or threaten when he was suffering. Instead, He entrusted Himself to His Father.
Romans 12.19 says:
Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.
When we’re mistreated, we need to leave the judgment and ultimate consequences to God. He is the only One who knows the hearts of the people involved and just how much judgment is due.
Now let’s look at today’s passage in chapter 3.
In the Same Way …
In chapter 3, Peter continues the same discussion, this time regarding the husband-wife relationship. So, how should a wife respond to a harsh or unreasonable husband?
¹ Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.
“Wives, likewise …” Another translation says, “Wives, in the same way …” In the same way as what?
In the same way as servants were to submit to masters, we wives are to submit to our husbands, even those who are harsh, who don’t obey the Word, or as one translation says, those who are “unreasonable.”
Won without a Word
Ladies, our behavior is to be respectful and God-honoring even with a husband who does not obey the Word, whether he is unsaved or a disobedient believer. And, like Jesus, we are to entrust ourselves to God and leave any necessary judgment to God.
And the purpose is the same, “by doing good you may silence the ignorance of foolish men.” Or as chapter 3 says, “they might be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.”
But Peter doesn’t stop with wives. Verse 7:
7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
While husbands are not called to submit to their wives’ leadership, they are to submit their selfish desires to the needs of their wives. They do that by spending time with them, seeking to really know them, and honoring and preferring them above themselves (Phil. 2.2-4).
And husbands are not the only ones who can be harsh, unreasonable, and even ungodly. So can wives. And the principle of not returning evil for evil applies to both spouses and to every other relationship.
Note: If your spouse is physically abusive or doing something illegal or immoral, call the authorities or go to a pastor, church leader, or godly counselor (Matt 18.16-17). Other passages, such as Romans 13.1-5, may also come into play. Submission does not mean covering up someone else’s sin or getting in the way of the biblical consequences of those actions.
Asking for God’s Help
These can be challenging passages and we can’t live them out well without God’s help.
And as I said yesterday, a good way to pray is to pray passages back to God, especially those that are challenging or concern areas where we need to grow and change. Here is an example of how to pray part of today’s passage:
Lord, help me to be submissive to my husband, to conduct myself in ways that please You. Help me not to focus on my husband’s behavior, but to focus on responding in Christlike ways. Lord, let me develop the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that is precious in your sight (based on 1 Pet. 3.1-4).
Husbands might pray:
Lord, help me live with my wife in an understanding way. Help me to show her honor and to treat her well like the precious vessel that she is. I want to do this out of my desire to please and glorify you.
Today’s Other Readings:
Ezekiel 45 & 46:
The Millennial Temple
As we are nearing the end of this book, the prophet lays out the plans for the Millennial Temple. Be sure to read John MacArthur’s notes about the presence of sin during the Millennium. I think you’ll find it very interesting.
Psalm 135.1-7:
All for Our Good & His Glory
Whatever the Lord pleases He does … (v. 6).
Our God is all-powerful (omnipotent), all-knowing (omniscient), everywhere-present (omnipresent), and in control of everything! Just to name a few of His characteristics!
He alone is the Sovereign Ruler of the universe. And everything He has allowed in our lives He has allowed for our good and His glory! Nothing happens by accident. He will use difficult circumstances, trials, and even the sins of others for our good if we keep our eyes on Him and respond in a God-honoring way. No person, thing, or circumstance can make you or me sin (1 Cor. 10.13). Instead, we can call on God to enable us to respond in ways that lead to peace and bring Him glory (Heb. 4.14-16; Rom. 12.17-21).
Proverbs 29.8:
Will We Be Scoffers or Peacemakers?
Scoffers set a city aflame, but wise men turn away wrath (v. 8).
Scornful men and women do what they want to do. They resent any kind of restraint, especially anything that sounds like religion. They sow discord and strife if it serves their purpose and take no thought to the consequences of their actions.
Wise men and women, however, seek peace and pursue it. Romans 12 says, “As much as it lies within you be at peace with all men” (Rom. 12.18). However, that does not mean peace at all costs. There are times when we must take a stand for righteousness despite any opposition.
Your Thoughts:
How has God spoken to you today? Perhaps you saw a passage in a new light or an area where you need to grow and change. Did you find a promise to hold on to? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Coming Up:
In the next few days, we’ll talk about false teachers, friendship, judgment, and how to respond when we’re struggling to trust God. We’ll also discuss the question, “Is the Bible enough in a complex world?”
I hope you’ll join us.
Getting ready for 2025:
The holidays are just around the corner and the new year will be on us before we know it. What will you do to make Bible reading an ongoing habit in the coming year? I’d like to encourage you to set a goal to read through the Bible again or for the first time. If you join me, I’ll take you through a plan that covers both the Old and New Testaments in about 15 minutes a day. You can read each day’s post or watch as I read through the passages on YouTube. Sign up here for my daily email. It has links to the written post and the YouTube video. And it can serve as a gentle reminder to stay on track and I believe you’ll benefit from the additional information I share and grow as you learn to apply God’s Word to your own life.
You can check out our YouTube channel here.
If this post spoke to you, I would love it if you would share it on your favorite social media platform.
Blessings as you grow in Christ,
Donna ♥
Note about this post:
I began blogging through the Bible in 2012 and have done so every year since then. These posts are the product of many edits and additions throughout those years. Some days I make major changes, other days fewer.
A while ago, I read Jen Wilkin’s book None Like Him about the attributes of God. One is His incomprehensibility. In it, she says, “God is incomprehensible. This does not mean that he is unknowable, but that he is unable to be fully known.”
I have found that to be true each year as I’ve gone back through the Bible. Sometimes I find myself feeling as if a passage just appeared there for the first time. I’m reminded that no matter how many times we read through the Bible, we have only scratched the surface. I hope you feel the same.
Indeed these are the mere edges of His ways,
And how small a whisper we hear of Him!
But the thunder of His power who can understand?” (Job 26.14)
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