It’s hard to imagine that anyone would intentionally set their children up for failure. But sometimes, we can do so without even realizing it by trying to give them everything they want. When we do, instead of being genuinely happy, they often become petulant, spoiled children. The added danger is that they can grow up to be selfish adults and even get a wrong view of God.
How does your parenting help or hinder your children’s understanding of God? How does it prepare them for marriage, work, and family relationships later in life?
Today’s Readings:
Judges 13 & 14
Psalm 50.16-23
Proverbs 14.29-30
Luke 17.20-37
Do Spoiled Children Become Selfish, Unhappy Adults?
Judges 13 & 14:
Get Her for Me
Judges 13 begins with the birth of Sampson. We’ll talk more about his calling and how God used him tomorrow, but today I’d like to comment on a few things about his relationship with his parents.
Obviously, these were loving people who desired a child very much. They believed in God and reverenced Him as we see from their responses when they realized they had been visited by the Lord.
But I have to wonder how they parented Samson. The first interaction we see between them and their son is in 14.1-2:
Now Samson went down to Timnah, and saw a woman in Timnah of the daughters of the Philistines. So he went up and told his father and mother, saying, ‘I have seen a woman in Timnah of the daughters of the Philistines; now therefore, get her for me as a wife.’
His parents wanted him to do what was right:
Then his father and mother said to him, ‘Is there no woman among the daughters of your brethren, or among all my people, that you must go and get a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines?’ (v. 3).
Sampson’s response:
“Get her for me, for she pleases me well (v. 3).
“Get her for me!” And they did. I don’t know their hearts when they did but sometimes in our love and desire to see our children “happy,” we can easily become indulgent with them. That can give them the idea that the world revolves around them which can be a dangerous assumption.
Learning about the Nature of God
Our children learn much about the nature of God from us. If we allow them to expect to get whatever makes them happy, how will they approach the throne room of God? Many believers seem to think that God is there to give them whatever they want without regard to His will or His knowledge of what’s best.
This “get-me-what-I-want” attitude can also hinder their relationships with others. Paul said:
3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others (Phil. 2.3-4 ESV).
That’s very difficult to do if you’ve been taught you deserve whatever makes you happy!
Delighting in the Lord
Sadder still is that whether it’s our children or us, getting what we selfishly want doesn’t ultimately make us happy (Prov. 27.20). Instead, it often makes us like petulant, spoiled children, always looking for something else fun and exciting or new and different. We see that in the life of Sampson, particularly in his relationships.
And we, certainly, see it today as men and women go from one partner to another tossing aside anyone who doesn’t make them happy.
May the Lord help us to not foster that in our children and to see it for what it is in our own lives. Psalm 37.4 reminds us that we are to delight ourselves in the Lord and He will give us the desires of our hearts. That means He will place His righteous desires in our hearts and bring them to pass in His way and timing. But we must delight ourselves in Him. We do that by developing thankful hearts and finding our joy in Him.
Helping or Hindering?
So, the question we must ask ourselves is, “Is our parenting helping or hindering our children’s understanding of God? Is it preparing them for marriage, work, and family relationships later in life? Or could we be setting them up for failure without even realizing it?
Parenting & God’s Grace
While indulging our children may not be wise and can be a stumbling block to them, it’s not determinative. Each of us, including our children, is responsible for his or her own choices. None of us needs to be defined by our upbringing.
And while we as parents are responsible to be faithful to do the best job we can, no one does it perfectly. Even if we as parents could, it is not a guarantee our children will choose to go God’s way. Sometimes even good godly parents have children who choose to rebel against God. After all, God is the perfect parent, yet, His children don’t always follow Him.
When we fall short, and we will, we need to remember God’s grace. And when our children fall short, we need to remember to point them to their need for the gospel.
We also need to remember that ultimately we are not responsible for the results, only to be faithful. There are three factors at work in each of our children: (1) our parenting, (2) their will and responses, and (3) the sovereign work of the Holy Spirit in their lives.
If you struggle with the choices your child has made, study Ezekiel 18.1-20 and the story of the prodigal son, remembering the father in the story represents God.
And if your children are grown or nearly grown and you believe you made big mistakes as a parent, it’s never too late to have an impact for good. It may mean you should confess your failures to them and seek their forgiveness. But start where you are. God is the God of new beginnings.
May God give each of us His grace as we seek to grow as parents.
Three books that could be a great help and blessing in your parenting are Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson and Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Radically Change Your Family by Paul David Tripp. If you are parenting grown children, you might enjoy You Never Stop Being a Parent: Thriving in Relationship With Your Adult Children by Jim Newheiser and Elyse Fitzpatrick.
Today’s Other Readings:
Psalm 50.16-23:
The Mercy of God
These things you have done, and I kept silent; you thought that I was altogether like you; but I will rebuke you, and set them in order before your eyes (v. 21).
We think because God doesn’t deal with sin quickly that He won’t deal with it at all. But He will. Yet, in His mercy, He first gives us every opportunity to repent. So, let’s not waste it.
Proverbs 14.29-30:
Slow to Anger
He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, but he who is impulsive exalts folly (v. 29).
How many times have we made fools of ourselves by responding to a situation in anger only to find we didn’t know all the facts? And how many times do we realize we’ve done more harm than good by our sinful response, even when a wrong has occurred?
James said it this way:
So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God (Jas. 1.19-20).
Luke 17.20-37:
False Christs
As we get closer and closer to Jesus’ return, the Scriptures tell us there will actually be men who will claim to be Christ Himself. Some of them will even appear to do miracles.
For false christs and false prophets will rise and show great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect (Matt. 24.24).
But we are not to believe them.
And they will say to you, ‘Look here!’ or ‘Look there!’ Do not go after them or follow them. For as the lightning that flashes out of one part under heaven shines to the other part under heaven, so also the Son of Man will be in His day (vv. 23-24).
When Jesus comes back to claim His church, we will recognize him just as we recognize the lightning that flashes from one side of the sky to the other.
Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord (1 Thess. 4.17).
Alleluia!
Coming Up:
In the coming days, we’ll see how God uses imperfect people, talk about Jesus as the Good Shepherd, look at sin’s bizarre end and its invisible hooks, and discuss the battle for truth and religious liberty. We’ll also pose the question, “If others were to call you by your character, what would your name be?”
I hope you’ll sign up so you don’t miss any of them.
If you would like to receive a FREE downloadable and printable Bible study through the book of Mark, you can click here for more information.
Blessings as you grow in Christ,
Donna ♥
Note about this post:
I began blogging through the Bible in 2012 and have done so every year since then. These posts are the product of many edits and additions throughout those years. Some days I make major changes, other days fewer.
A while ago, I read Jen Wilkin’s book None Like Him about the attributes of God. One is His incomprehensibility. In it, she says, “God is incomprehensible. This does not mean that he is unknowable, but that he is unable to be fully known.”
I have found that to be true each year as I’ve gone back through the Bible. Sometimes I find myself feeling as if a passage just appeared there for the first time. I’m reminded that no matter how many times we read through the Bible, we have only scratched the surface. I hope you feel the same.
Indeed these are the mere edges of His ways,
And how small a whisper we hear of Him!
But the thunder of His power who can understand?” (Job 26.14)
Leave a Reply
Your email is safe with us.