Communication or the lack thereof is a problem in many relationships. How about yours? Do you ever feel like you talk to friends and family, even your spouse, but just aren’t sure you’re being heard? Do you feel you’re frequently misunderstood and when you keep trying it only leads to an argument? You’re not alone. But the answer isn’t getting angry, talking louder, or clamming up. What can we do instead?
Communication … it’s a big thing in all human relationships but it’s vitally important in our marriages. There are so many things that we need to communicate about … finances, children, work, schedules, even intimacy … and when we don’t do it well or hardly at all, it can lead to misunderstandings, hard feelings, and outright war.
Anger … it’s a common, almost universal struggle. We get angry because we want to decide what’s right and what’s wrong for us! We want to control what goes on around us. Anger is not just an emotion. It’s an issue of the heart (Matt. 15.18-20). And when we are angry our tendency, instead of taking responsibility for it, is to make excuses, minimize it, or blame other people or our circumstances. We’ve touched on them in previous posts, but today, we’re going to talk about the two primary forms of anger and steps to overcoming it.
“Communication is to a relationship what blood is to the human body. Communication nourishes and sustains a relationship. Remove it, and you no longer have a relationship.”
The Bible has much to say about the importance of healthy communication and the results of bad communication. James said the tongue can be “set on fire by hell.” So, how can couples grow and become more intentional when it comes to healthy communication?
Weaving: We all want intimacy in our marriages. We want our spouses to spend time with us, to consult us about decisions, to share our hopes and dreams, and to encourage us when we’re struggling. We want openness and humility. We want to be treated kindly and to receive grace. Are there things we should be doing and not doing to achieve those things? And, if so, what are they?
One of the most important skills in overcoming anger and building good relationships is learning how to communicate in a loving, God-honoring way. Ephesians 4 contains some of the clearest passages on the subject of communication. The principles can be summed up in 4 easy to understand “rules” that you can apply and teach your children.