The Bible has a great deal to say about wisdom and its flip side, foolishness. In this series, we’re looking at what it means to be a wise woman and, by comparison, what it means to be foolish and how to recognize the difference.
I wrote this series in 2016 but in the last couple of months, I have had a lot of hits on these posts from online search engines. I finally decided I would re-publish them. God’s Word never changes and the need for wisdom has never been greater. So I believe you will find them as relevant today as they were eight years ago.
Are You a Wise or a Foolish Woman?
As I said in the first post (read it here or click the YouTube link at the bottom), while I’m specifically addressing this to us as women, these truths are for everyone: young and old, men, women, and children.
Our foundational Scripture is Proverbs 14.1 which says:
The wise woman builds her house,
But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.
A wise woman whether she’s a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend, or whatever combination of the many roles we play as women, is a great blessing. She builds up her house, her family, or her circle of friends.
A foolish woman, on the other hand, has no fear of God or regard for others unless it suits her purposes. She is often willful, self-focused, and indulgent of her own wants and desires.
Instead of loving and serving others and allowing God to bless her in return, she is demanding and insistent on her own rights.
She ends up destroying the very things she wants.
None of us has arrived in this or any area of life. But are we growing and changing? If we are, how can we do that more effectively? And, if we realize we have been foolish, how do we start to change?
Let’s start with our working definition of wisdom: “Wisdom is the right application of truth.”
It’s knowing what God’s Word says and then learning how to apply it to the everyday situations of our lives.
Today we’ll begin looking at some of the specific things God has to say about wisdom, beginning with the tongue, how we speak, and the ears, how well we listen, and consider how they might apply to our lives.
The Tongue & Ears
If there is an area where we have a huge opportunity to be foolish instead of wise, it’s with the tongue and with our willingness or unwillingness to listen well when others talk to us.
James had a lot to say about the tongue. In James 3 he said:
2 Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.
3 We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. 4 And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. 5 In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. 6 And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.
7 People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, 8 but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison.
Deadly poison! No one can tame it, except God Himself, as we put ourselves under the control of the Holy Spirit!
But how do we do that? First, we need to commit to growing in this area. We need to pray and ask God to help us. And if we’re serious, we need to make ourselves accountable to others who love us and will hold us accountable. And we need to be good repenters.
When we realize we have used our tongues in an unloving way, we need to be quick to ask God and appropriate people for forgiveness. We can let them know that it’s an area where we want to grow and ask for their help, to let us know when we use our tongues unwisely. But that means we need to be willing to listen when they do. We must be teachable.
Wise Women Are Teachable
Proverbs 10.8 says:
The wise are glad to be instructed,
but babbling fools fall flat on their faces.
“The wise are glad to be instructed.” They’re teachable. Are you? Even if you don’t ask for his input, are you glad to be instructed by your husband? Parents? Friend? Or boss?
And Proverbs 12.15 says:
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise.
A wise woman takes correction well (Prov. 17.10, 9.8, 1.5; Jas. 1.19). But “a babbling fool” is not interested in what anyone else has to say, she’s got to get in her 2 cents worth. She’s always right in her own eyes. She doesn’t care about learning. She’s too busy talking (Prov. 10.14, 12.15).
Rebuke is more effective for a wise man than a hundred blows on a fool (Prov. 17.10).
Does it take 100 blows before God can get your attention or do you listen to a rebuke when it comes? Learning to take criticism wisely is a valuable thing!
Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you; rebuke a wise man, and he will love you (Prov. 9.8).
We get so upset when our children don’t respond to correction, but what are they learning from us?
A wise man will hear and increase learning (Prov. 1.5).
Wise Women Are Good Listeners
Wise women are good listeners, in general.
James said we should be, “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry” (Jas. 1.19).
Are we quick to listen? Are we interested in what’s going on in the lives of others? Or are we more interested in our own opinions and what we want to talk about?
Are we good listeners, or are we just waiting for our turn to talk? Are we too busy formulating what we’re going to say next rather than listening well?
In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise (Prov. 10.19).
A Fool Vents Her Feelings
Another way we act foolishly is by unloading on people verbally.
Proverbs 29.11:
A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.
It’s foolish to go around giving people a piece of our minds! Even when we do need to confront someone, it needs to be done biblically. That means we are to first examine our own hearts (Matt. 7.1-5). Then we’re to go gently and tentatively with a desire to restore the other person (Gal. 6.1-2).
Proverbs 17.28 says:
Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; when he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive.
I don’t know who said it first, but, “Sometimes it’s better to say nothing and let someone think you’re ignorant than to open your mouth and remove all doubt!”
A Wise Woman Gives Thought to Her Words
Proverbs 12.16-18 says:
16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
If there’s any area where we need to give thought to what is honorable, it’s in the area of our words!
Whoever utters slander is a fool (Prov. 10.18).
A fool speaks badly of others. Fools gossip and criticize. Yet the wise woman in Proverbs 31, “opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness” (Prov. 31.26).
And Ephesians 4.29, 31-32 says:
29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
And Proverbs 12.18 says:
There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, But the tongue of the wise promotes health.
How Will We Use Our Tongues?
So … how will we use our tongues going forward? Will we load them with deadly poison? Will we speak wise words or foolish words? And what about our willingness to listen? Will we listen to wise words or stubbornly refuse?
Maybe you read all these passages and think, I hope I’m not that foolish woman but I know I have a ways to go.
Remember, none of us have arrived. But where are you in your desire to be a wise woman? Are you studying and meditating on what it looks like? Are you asking for God’s help to grow and change? Do you seek forgiveness from God and others when you fail? Are you teachable?
Communication is essential to good relationships. We’ll never have the intimacy we desire in our marriages and other relationships without it. That includes sharing our fears and struggles, as well as, our dreams and goals. That only happens in an environment of grace, where people learn to listen well and speak wisely and lovingly.
Let’s ask God to help us see where we are wise and where we are foolish with our tongues and in our listening.
We might pray as the psalmist did:
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting (Ps. 139.23-24).
The way everlasting is the wise way!
In the next post, we’ll talk about how the wise woman handles money and other “stuff.”
I hope you’ll sign up for my Christian Living posts so you don’t miss any of them. You might also like to check out our YouTube channel.
If this post spoke to you, I would love it if you would share it on your favorite social media platform.
And if you don’t already have a copy, you might want to purchase a copy of my eBook, 10 Benefits of Keeping a Spiritual Journal. It’s available on Kindle or in paperback (the paperback has 31 days of blank journaling pages with prompts to help you get started).
Blessings,
Donna
Posts in the Series:
Are You a Wise Woman or a Foolish One?
Wise or Foolish? Part 2: The Tongue & Ears
Wise or Foolish? Part 3: Money & Stuff
Wise or Foolish? Part 4: Friendships & Counselors
2 Comments
Leave your reply.