“For Women Only: The Inner Lives of Men” + LINKUP


For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of MenWelcome to Mondays @ Soul Survival. Each week I feature a book that I consider a valuable resource. This week’s selection is For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn.


I probably recommend Shaunti’s book, For Women Only, as much as any book in my counseling arsenal. There are other books that are more in depth biblically, even other books on the role of the wife that do a better job of explaining from the Scriptures what God has to say about our role. But I find that the one thing women who want to be godly wives struggle with most often is understanding just what we do that our husbands perceive as disrespect. And Shaunti’s book does the best job of helping us do just that!

That isn’t the only thing you’ll come to understand about the inner lives of men. Reading this book will probably provide you with numerous “aha” moments.

From Chapter 1:

Have you ever been totally confused by something the man in your life has said or done? Have you ever wondered, looking at his rapidly departing back, Why did that make him so angry? Have you ever been perplexed by your husband’s defensiveness when you ask him to stop working so much? Yeah? Me too.

But now, after conducting spoken and written interviews with more than one thousand men, I can tell you that the answers to those and dozens of other common perplexities are all related to what is going on in your man’s inner life. Most are things he wishes you knew but doesn’t know how to tell you. In some cases, they’re things he has no idea you don’t know. This book will share those interviews and those answers. But be careful, ladies. You might be slapping your forehead a lot!

She goes on: 

I discovered that there were many things I thought I understood about men—but really didn’t. In several areas, my understanding was purely surface-level. Once I got below the surface and into specifics, everything changed. I felt like a cartoon character who suddenly had a lightbulb over my head.

Even better, it turned out that those revelations were mostly about things that my own husband always wished I knew but couldn’t figure out how to explain. And that was a common refrain from most of the men I talked to. Although I still make many mistakes in my relationship with my husband—and will continue to!—finally grasping these things has hopefully helped me to better appreciate and support him in the way that he needs.

I want that lightbulb to go on for you as well.

The chapters that follow cover these key subjects:

  • Respect, what it is and what it really means to our men.
  • Insecurities, how men struggle even when they are full of bravado on the outside.
  • How the responsibility to provide for their families effects men and why it’s important to them.
  • Sex, why it’s important and how it unlocks the key to their emotions.
  • The fact that men are visual and what that really means.
  • Men and romance, how they want it even when their attempts are clumsy.
  • The truth about the way we look and why it matters.

And finally …

  • What Your Man Most Wishes You Knew About Him.

While some of these revelations may be challenging, they can provide much needed understanding. After all, our Perfect God created us with our differences, both strengths and weakness, so we could compliment each other. Shaunti’s book can help in that process.


Quotations taken from:
Feldhahn, Shaunti (2008-08-19). For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men. The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

You can get a copy of For Women Only or shop for other resources here.

Previously featured books:

Taming the To-Do List: How to Choose Your Best Work Every Day by Glynnis Whitwer. Read about it here.

Resolving Everyday Conflict by Ken Sande of Peacemaker Ministries. Read about it here.

Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald. Read about it here.

Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy by Eric Metaxas. Read about it here.

When Life Is Hard by James MacDonald. Read about it here.

Pleasing People: How Not to be an Approval Junkie by Lou Priolo. Read about it here.

Because He Loves Me: How Christ Transforms Our Daily Life by Elyse Fitzpatrick. Read about it here.

Gift-Wrapped by God: Secret Answers to the Question “Why Wait?” by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus. Read about it here.

The Heart of Anger: Practical Help for the Prevention and Cure of Anger in Children by Lou Priolo. Read about it here.

Sweethearts for a Lifetime: Making the Most of Your Marriage by Wayne and Carol Mack. Read about it here.

If I’m a Christian, Why Am I Depressed?: Finding Meaning and Hope in the Dark Valley One Man’s Journey by Robert B. Somerville. Read about it here.

Anger & Stress Management God’s Way by Wayne Mack. Read about it here.

Intimate Issues: Twenty-One Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex by Linda Dillow & Lorraine Pintus. Read about it here.



Christian bloggers linkup

Mondays @ Soul Survival is a place to share your insights about God and His Word, parenting, marriage, homemaking, organization and more. Feel free to link up multiple posts as long as they are family friendly. Remember this is a Christian site. I would love it if you link back in someway and share the linkup on social media. I pin many of your posts on my “Mondays @ Soul Survival” Pinterest board as time allows.

Sign up for reminders of this LINKUP and Christian Living posts here.

20 thoughts on ““For Women Only: The Inner Lives of Men” + LINKUP

  1. This looks like such an interesting read Donna. Many of the topics she hits on, I am familiar with on the surface, but it would be very interesting to hear what the interview results expose looking at those topics at a deeper level.

    Thanks so much for sharing!

    • I think you would really enjoy it. Even after years of studying and counseling on these topics, I had dozens of aha moments. I found myself asking my husband, repeatedly, “Is this really the way men think about this?” Blessings!

    • I’m so glad you enjoyed the review and glad to have you as part of the linkup. I’ll be over to visit you, too!

  2. i LOVE this book! I read it while single many years ago and it helped me understand men a bit better then, but I read it again during premarital counseling while my husband read the male counterpart book, For Men Only. We discussed every chapter and it helped us understand a few things better about one another. We didn’t agree with EVERYTHING in the book because some of it felt like generalizations from the surveyed people, but it was still great to look at those generalizations and say why we are or are not like that. Its a great conversation-starter!

    (found you through Wife Mommy Me’s linkup)

    • That’s a great way to use a resource like that. I always talk to our pre-marital couples about the importance of talking about those issues before they’re married. A book is a good way to do it, because you have to talk about things you wouldn’t bring up on your own many times. Thanks for your input!

    • Yes, we always talk about how they don’t “get us,” but when I read the book I kept thinking we don’t really “get” them either! Thanks for stopping by. Blessings!

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