Do our associations really matter? If we know who we are in Christ, is it acceptable and wise to have close friendships with unbelievers? After all, didn’t Jesus hang around with prostitutes and tax collectors? What do we need to consider as we develop friendships, form partnerships, even choose a mate?

The Power of Associations

So, do our friendships and associations really matter? What should we look for in a friend or a business partner? And what about a mate if we’re single?

Proverbs 13.20 says, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.”

Look at that last phrase again, “the companion of fools will be destroyed.” And 1 Corinthians 15.33 says, “Do not be deceived. ‘Bad company ruins good morals.'”

We should never underestimate the power of associations.

Associations, Salt & Light

Yet, when we get saved God doesn’t remove us from the world. In fact, Jesus said we are to be salt and light to a lost world. Sometimes we use that to justify continuing to hang out with old friends, going places they go, doing things they do. We tell ourselves that we don’t want to offend them or look like a goody-two-shoes. But often we end up pulled back into lifestyles that God clearly condemns or that have the power to enslave us.

We are salt and light when those around us see something different about us. And yes, sometimes, old friends, co-workers, even family members will be offended that we no longer live the same way they do. Certainly, we need to do our best not to act self-righteous. But sometimes it’s that conviction that God will use in their lives.

Integrity, Morality & More

Looking different from those who do not know God includes issues of integrity (Eph. 4.28, 6.5-6), morality (1 Cor. 6.9-11, 18; 1 Thess. 4.3-4) and lifestyle issues (Eph. 5.4, 5, 18; 1 Cor. 6.9-11). But it also includes things that might seem less obvious. Paul told the Philippians:

Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world (Phil. 2.14-15).

Grumbling and complaining come so naturally to us. We may even feel justified when we do. But we’re not just grumbling against our employer, spouse, neighbor or the world at large, we are grumbling against God and what He has allowed in our lives, as well.

The Reason for Our Hope

We all understand there are many things in life that are unfair and difficult. When writing to early believers who had fled their homes, often leaving behind their earthly goods, and everything they had known because of persecution, Peter said:

¹³ And who is he who will harm you if you become followers of what is good? ¹⁴ But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you are blessed. “And do not be afraid of their threats, nor be troubled.” ¹⁵ But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; ¹⁶ having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed. ¹⁷ For it is better, if it is the will of God, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil (1 Pet. 3.13-17).

These believers were not criticized for being goody-two-shoes, many were disowned by their families and threatened with death or imprisonment. Yet, Peter said responding well to that mistreatment would cause others to ask about the reason they could continue to trust God, the hope that was within them. Responding well in our trials can have the same impact on those around us.

Pulling Us Down

The truth is if we’re walking with, hanging out with, and developing close relationships with people who are either not believers or not sold out to pleasing God with their lives, they are much more likely to pull us down than we are to pull them up. It may not happen overnight, but it does happen.

So, while we shouldn’t cut unbelievers out of our lives in most cases, we may need to limit the amount of time and the situations where we spend time with them.

Godly Associations

What do we need in the area of friendships and associations? We need friends who will challenge us, those who are willing to risk offending us at times out of their love for us and desire to see us grow.

As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend (Prov. 27.17).

Open rebuke is better
Than love carefully concealed (Prov. 27.5).

If our friends tell us only what we want to hear and not what God says, they may not be acting in our best interest or in a way that glorifies God. When Peter’s “encouragement” to Jesus was not in keeping with God’s plan and the truth, Jesus said to him:

“Get behind Me, Satan! you are a stumbling block to Me; for you are not setting your mind on God’s interests, but man’s” (Matt. 16.23).

Spouses, Potential Spouses, Friends & Partners

Of course, marriage is one of our closest associations. If you are not already married, understanding the importance of marrying another believer is vitally important. For more on that subject, you might want to read “21 Premarital Red Flags & A Deal Breaker.”

But if you are already married to an unbeliever or someone who is not committed to growing spiritually, all the more reason why you need friendships with believers who will love you enough to challenge you in your walk with God even when it comes to loving your spouse biblically (1 Pet. 3.1-6).

Other close relationships can be just as important. When we are unequally yoked to unbelievers in business or other endeavors, it’s all too easy to compromise or cut corners. And when we insist on honesty, it can lead to a great deal of contention.

So, our friendships and associations do matter. They matter in huge ways. Choosing friends who will challenge us can make all the difference in how we grow, how able we are to witness to the lost around us, and how well we bring glory to God.

And those that are unwise can ruin our testimonies and cause God to allow serious consequences in our lives.

Blessings,
Donna

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