Self-Esteem: The accepted wisdom says we all need it. It’s the thing we believe our children need more of if they are going to be happy and successful in life. It’s the magical quality underachievers are lacking and what we need to somehow infuse into others and gain more of ourselves.
But is self-esteem the thing that is lacking when we struggle? Is it something to be sought after in our own lives and conferred on others? Or could it be that our quest for self-esteem has taken us in the wrong direction?
What’s Wrong with Self-Esteem?
So, what is wrong with self-esteem?
First, let’s define it.
Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary says self-esteem is “a confidence and satisfaction in oneself: self-respect. It goes on to say its synonyms are: ego, pride, pridefulness, self-regard, and self-respect.
I’m sure we could go a lot deeper but you get the idea. Even a secular dictionary’s definition is a mixed bag.
But let’s take a look at self-esteem from a biblical perspective.
Esteeming God & Others
The term self-esteem doesn’t appear in Scripture but the word esteem appears a number of times.
Exodus 11.3 tells us that Moses was, “greatly esteemed in the land of Egypt, both in the sight of Pharaoh’s servants and in the sight of the people.”
In 1 Samuel 2, God rebuked Eli because he honored his sons above God by saying, “for those who honor Me I will honor, and those who despise Me will be lightly esteemed.”
In 1 Samuel 18, David said about himself, “I am a poor man and lightly esteemed.” But verse 30 says, “that David behaved himself more wisely than all the servants of Saul. So his name was highly esteemed.”
And in the book of Daniel, the angel Gabriel came with a message from God telling Daniel he was “highly esteemed” by God.
Notice there is no mention in any of these passages about the need to esteem ourselves. When someone was esteemed it was either by God or other people. The same is true in the New Testament (Acts 5.12-13; Phil. 2.3-4; 1 Thess. 5.12-13).
In fact, Jesus condemned the Pharisees for their self-satisfaction and attempts at justification:
14 Now the Pharisees, who were lovers of money, also heard all these things, and they derided Him. 15 And He said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For what is highly esteemed among men is an abomination in the sight of God (Lk. 16.14-15).
Self-Esteem or Self-Evaluations
Even though the Bible does not talk about our need for self-esteem, many believers have bought into the world’s ideas about what it is and its importance. But what is the biblical understanding of self-esteem?
First, it doesn’t mean we should be self-deprecating or wallow in unworthiness. But, second, it’s not about having a prideful or self-sufficient view of ourselves either. In fact, pride and self-confidence are condemned in Scripture (Jas. 4.6; 2 Cor. 3.5). So, it’s not about having either high self-esteem or low self-esteem.
In fact, self-esteem is not a separate part of our inner being. When we say we have low self-esteem or high self-esteem, we are making a judgment or self-evaluation. It’s based on our thinking about ourselves, not our feelings. It may evoke feelings just as all of our thinking does:
Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life (Prov. 4.23).
But it isn’t primarily a feeling.
A Right View of Self
If we’re going to grow in our walks with God and our relationships with Him and others, if we’re going to have peace in our hearts and a sense of well-being, we need a right view of self (Rom. 2.14-15). And like every part of our lives, that needs to be based on something besides our own values and judgments. That standard is God’s Word (Jas. 1.22-25).
When we view ourselves poorly, those judgments fall into three categories: (1) our judgments can simply be wrong, (2) our judgments can be based on a wrong value system, or (3) our judgments can be accurate based and God’s Word and need to be corrected.
The Effect of Sin
Sin affects every part of us, including our ability to think. That’s why it’s so important that we stay in God’s Word. But it’s also important for us to have trusted Christian friends and to be part of a local church body. We need others to help us see where we are wrong in our judgments about ourselves, as well as others.
If I judge myself poorly because I think no one loves or cares about me, I need to be reminded that God loves me and that there are others who care, as well.
The second category is important, too. Often our self-evaluations are based on things the world says are important or things we consider important but God doesn’t.
I would love to be able to sing beautifully but it’s not one of my natural abilities. So while I’m commanded to worship God with my voice, it’s not sinful for me to be less talented in that area. And there are many other things that I can’t do or do well (fly an airplane, run a marathon, or do calligraphy, for starters). But none of them make me less valuable in God’s eyes. And none are sin issues.
So, if I am valuing or devaluing myself based on an incorrect standard, I need to change my thinking. I need to value what God values and be content with the gifts and abilities, He has given me.
The Third Category
The third category is different. While God doesn’t love me any less, neither do I lose my salvation when I fail to obey or live by His standard, God does want me to be growing in faith, obedience, and spiritual maturity (Eph. 4.14-15). And my lack of obedience will rob me of peace and open the door to consequences (Gal. 6.7-8). I shouldn’t feel good about that. In fact, God created the conscience to convict us of those things so we can grow and change (Rom. 14.23).
Rather than pretending these things are acceptable and trying to feel better about myself, I need to repent of things that God says are sinful and seek His help to put-off those old ways of living and put-on new righteous ones (Eph. 4.22-24).
Self-Esteem, God & Others
So, instead of focusing on the world’s idea of self-esteem, His command is to esteem Him (the message of the entire Bible) and others rather than myself (Phil 2.3-4). And my self-evaluations are to be based on His standard (Jas. 1.22-25). That often means I need to re-program my conscience and my ideas about what’s important based on a right understanding of the Scriptures. I need to have a steady intake of God’s Word so I can see where I’m not like Christ and seek His help to grow and change. And I need other godly people in my life to help in that process (Prov. 28.26).
Blessings,
Donna
I sometimes LINKUP with these blogs.
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