I talked to a young mom recently about Christian parenting. She is struggling with a strong-willed child and looking for some answers. When I began sharing biblical principles, she told me, it’s a different world today where parenting is concerned. What did she mean? Should parents today ignore parts of the Bible’s instructions on parenting? If not, how can we be obedient to Scripture and, yet, wise in the world in which we live?
Today’s Readings:
Joshua 9 & 10
Psalm 44.1-3
Proverbs 13.24-25
Luke 10.1-24
Christian Parenting & Discipline in a Secular World
Proverbs 13.24-25:
The Struggle for Christian Parents
In today’s Proverbs reading, verse 24 says:
He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.
Unfortunately, much of God’s truth in the area of parenting has fallen out of favor in today’s world.
The young mom I mentioned is a believer who sincerely wants to please God and be a good mom. But struggling with a defiant preschooler sometimes makes her feel that she’s at the end of her rope.
As we talked about what God has to say about discipline, she very sincerely told me that this is a different world when it comes to parenting. What does that mean to parents who want to obey God yet be wise as they do?
Our Source of Truth for Christian Parenting
There is so much advice out there about parenting, much of which contradicts God’s truth and His instructions for Christian parents. So, each of us must decide who we are going to believe—God or man!
It was the same basic question that God asked Adam and Eve in Genesis 3 when He said, “Who told you that you were naked?” In other words, who or what is your source of truth? And just because our world has changed, doesn’t mean our source of truth should be any different.
A Different World
In some ways, it is a different world, not because God’s Word has changed or the command for us to obey God has changed, but because we may need to be wiser about how and when we discipline. That’s not all bad but I’ll explain what I mean in a minute.
Of course, when my sweet friend said it’s a different world today, she was referring to the secular “experts” who claim spanking is always wrong and the fact that there are people who will report you if they see you spank your children. So, how can we be obedient to Scripture and, yet, wise in the world in which we live?
Abandoning the Scriptures is not the way. Look at that verse from Proverbs again. It says, “He who spares his rod hates his son …” Loving Christian parenting requires a balance of discipline, including spanking when needed, biblical instruction, and love. John MacArthur says that neglecting discipline has the same effect as hating our children.
Wiser & More Biblical
But it is possible that we can be wiser in our parenting. That means we should look at how we discipline and make sure we’re not spanking for everything. Usually, the rod should be reserved for defiance and rebellion. That’s when a child refuses to repent even after being corrected or when he or she is openly defiant. We should, also, examine our own hearts to make sure we don’t discipline in anger.
But aside from examining our actions biblically, there are some practical things we can do to avoid unnecessary problems. For starters, we can refrain from using the rod or any kind of corporal punishment in public. For example …
We’ve all been there … your child is throwing a tantrum in Walmart or some similar scenario. You’re probably embarrassed and tempted to get sinfully angry. You might feel like giving the child a spanking then and there or, at least, threatening to when you get home. But it may not be wise to discipline in that environment.
It would be better to speak to them firmly but calmly. If he (or she) doesn’t respond as he should, you may need to simply leave and deal with his behavior at home or in the car. Sometimes in the car is better, especially with young children, because their attention spans are not very long.
I understand that it’s extremely inconvenient to leave a store when you’re halfway through shopping and not always possible. But you and I have to decide that dealing with our child’s behavior is a priority. Whatever we do, we shouldn’t simply ignore bad behavior or give in to the child’s sinful demands. Christian parenting requires a lot of work, consistency, and, yes, inconvenience.
Christian Parenting & Provoking Our Children to Anger
I mentioned above the importance of not responding with anger toward our children. Neither should we respond in ways that will provoke them to anger. In his book, The Heart of Anger: Practical Help for the Prevention and Cure of Anger in Children, Lou Priolo explains the various ways that can happen. He has a similar book for teens and their parents entitled Getting a Grip: The Heart of Anger Handbook for Teens.
We are warned in Ephesians 6.4:
… do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
The Heart of Anger is written to parents and includes journals and other helps for working with children. But the first chapter is directed to the parents themselves. Before Lou delves into the child’s behavior, he encourages parents to evaluate their own hearts. His list of 25 ways parents can provoke their children to anger is worth the price of the book.
25 Ways That Parents Provoke Their Children to Anger*
- Lack of Marital Harmony
- Establishing and Maintaining a Child-Centered Home
- Modeling Sinful Anger
- Habitually Disciplining While Angry
- Scolding
- Being Inconsistent with Discipline
- Having Double Standards
- Being Legalistic
- Not Admitting You’re Wrong and Not Asking for Forgiveness
- Constantly Finding Fault
- Parents Reversing God-Given Roles
- Not Listening to Your Child’s Opinion or Taking His “Side of the Story” Seriously
- Comparing them to Others
- Not Making Time Just to Talk
- Not Praising or Encouraging Your Child
- Failing to Keep Your Promises
- Chastening in Front of Others
- Not Allowing Enough Freedom
- Allowing Too Much Freedom
- Mocking Your Child
- Abusing Them Physically
- Ridiculing or Name Calling
- Unrealistic Expectations
- Practicing Favoritism
- Child Training with Worldly Methodologies Inconsistent with God’s Word
Getting a Grip
In Getting a Grip one of the best chapters focuses on communication. It helps teens understand why showing disrespect is self-defeating and how withdrawing and other communication mistakes frustrate their parents and contribute to habits they can carry into adulthood, if not changed. The book is easy to read, practical, and full of great illustrations.
*Priolo, Lou (1998-01-15). Heart of Anger: Practical Help for the Prevention and Cure of Anger in Children (Kindle Location 308). Calvary Press. Kindle Edition.
As I said, biblical parenting is challenging. It requires time, effort, consistency, and the willingness to be inconvenienced. But God is pleased when we are faithful to do those things in His love and His strength.
Today’s Other Readings:
Joshua 9 & 10:
If God is for You …
In today’s passages, we have an incredible picture of what it means to have God on your side, fighting for you!
As the Israelites continued to take possession of the land, God stopped the sun and moon on their behalf, used hailstones to destroy their enemies, and saw that they were protected and had complete victory.
Even when God is not working in such obvious and dramatic ways, He is still present and at work in the lives of all who belong to Him.
If God is for us, who can be against us? (Rom. 8.31b)
Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ (Phil. 1.6).
Psalm 44.1-3:
Because of His Right Hand
Today’s reading in Psalms gives an overview of what God did for His people:
You drove out the nations with Your hand (v. 2) … For they did not gain possession of the land by their own sword, nor did their own arm save them; but it was Your right hand, Your arm, and the light of Your countenance, because You favored them (v. 3).
Our Joshua reading was one example of this.
Like the ancient Israelites, when God gives us success in some area of life we need to remember where the strength, the ability, the talent, and even the opportunities, come from.
Luke 10.1-24:
Rejoicing in Our Salvation
The twelve apostles had already been commissioned to go out and preach the Gospel. And now seventy more disciples were sent out two by two. Matthew Henry comments that the twelve apostles corresponded to the twelve tribes of Israel and the seventy disciples were pictured in the Old Testament by the seventy elders who helped Moses.
When those seventy came back rejoicing after having a great deal of success on their missionary trip, Jesus reminded them that everything else pales in comparison to the wonder of salvation itself.
Nevertheless do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rather rejoice because your names are written in heaven (v. 20).
We all need to preach the gospel to ourselves on a regular basis, reminding ourselves that our names are written in the Lamb’s book of life, too, and remembering all the blessings of being in Christ!
What About You?
Do you really believe that God is on your side? How has He demonstrated that in the past? Do you need to grow in knowledge and understanding concerning godly parenting? And do you “preach the gospel to yourself”? Do you contemplate the incredible miracle of salvation?
Coming Up:
In the coming days, we’ll talk about how we can be too busy and distracted, the importance of viewing all of life through the lens of Scripture, and how our thinking affects our emotions.
I hope you’ll sign up so you don’t miss any of them. If this post spoke to you, I would so appreciate it if you would share it on your favorite social media platform.
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Blessings as you grow in Christ,
Donna ♥
Note about this post:
I began blogging through the Bible in 2012 and have done so every year since then. These posts are the product of many edits and additions throughout those years. Some days I make major changes, other days fewer.
A while ago, I read Jen Wilkin’s book None Like Him about the attributes of God. One is His incomprehensibility. In it, she says, “God is incomprehensible. This does not mean that he is unknowable, but that he is unable to be fully known.”
I have found that to be true each year as I’ve gone back through the Bible. Sometimes I find myself feeling as if a passage just appeared there for the first time. I’m reminded that no matter how many times we read through the Bible, we have only scratched the surface. I hope you feel the same.
Indeed these are the mere edges of His ways,
And how small a whisper we hear of Him!
But the thunder of His power who can understand?” (Job 26.14)
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