“How to Forgive When You’re Not Feeling It” April 23


How to Forgive When You're Not Feeling It - We've all been there. We know God says we should forgive, but we're just not feeling it! We're not even sure we want to!  "After all ... it's not the first time!"  "If I forgive he'll think it's OK to do it again."  "What she said really hurt! It's time someone gave her some of her own medicine!"  "I'll forgive, but I'm not going to forget!"  "I'm just not ready to forgive."  "I don't know how to forgive when I'm not feeling it!"  It would be hypocritical to say I forgive when I don't mean it!"  What are the 3 promises of forgiveness and how can they help us forgive, even when we're not feeling it?

We’ve all been there. We know God says we should forgive, but we’re just not feeling it! We’re not even sure we want to!

“After all … it’s not the first time!”

“If I forgive he’ll think it’s OK to do it again.”

“What she said really hurt! It’s time someone gave her some of her own medicine!”

“I’ll forgive, but I’m not going to forget!”

“I’m just not ready to forgive.”

“I don’t know how to forgive when I’m not feeling it!”

It would be hypocritical to say I forgive when I don’t mean it!”

What are the 3 promises of forgiveness and how can they help us forgive, even when we’re not feeling it?


Today’s Readings:
Judges 11 & 12
Psalm 50.7-15
Proverbs 14.28
Luke 17.1-19


How to Forgive When You Aren’t Feeling It


Luke 17.1-19:

Increase Our Faith


Even the disciples struggled with this idea. Look at their conversation with Jesus in verses 3-5:

“Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”

And the apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith.”

“Increase our faith.” My paraphrase, “You’ve got to be kidding! Even if someone sins against me over and over in the same day and comes back saying, ‘I repent,’ I must forgive him?”

“Increase our faith.” Basically the disciples were saying, “That’s too hard. You’re going to have to give us some supernatural faith if we’re expected to do that!”


Faith is Not the Problem


So the Lord said, “If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.

Then he went on to tell them a parable about a slave and his master.

And which of you, having a servant plowing or tending sheep, will say to him when he has come in from the field, ‘Come at once and sit down to eat’? But will he not rather say to him, ‘Prepare something for my supper, and gird yourself and serve me till I have eaten and drunk, and afterward you will eat and drink’? Does he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I think not. 

Jesus ended the parable by saying:

10 So likewise you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded, say, ‘We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do.’”

Jesus had not changed the subject; He was still talking about forgiveness. Faith is not the problem when we refuse to forgive, obedience is! If Jesus is truly our Lord and we His servants, we should willingly obey Him even when it is challenging or seems unfair to us. And when we step out in faith, He provides the strength and ability.

It’s important to remember that biblical forgiveness is not about feelings. Sometimes we won’t feel like forgiving. The servant in the parable probably didn’t feel like serving his master when he was hot and tired and hungry himself, but he did it as an act of obedience. So too, we are to forgive as an act of obedience, as an act of our will.


The Three Promises of Forgiveness


So how, specifically, do we do that? 

First, we make the decision  to forgive, in spite of our feelings. It’s never hypocritical to obey God (though it would be to say we feel like forgiving when we don’t).

Ephesians 4.32 tells us we are to forgive like Christ forgives us. When we choose to forgive, we make three promises:

  • To not bring it up to the other person in an accusing way.
  • To not gossip to others about it.
  • To not dwell on it ourselves.

The third may be the hardest and where the battle is won or lost. When we start replaying the hurt, when the thoughts come, we must remind ourselves that we have already forgiven them. We must choose to think about it from God’s perspective and to remind ourselves what God has done in forgiving us (Matt. 18.21-35).

As we do, the feelings of forgiveness will come. Not instantly, but they will come. And in the meantime, we can find joy and rest in the fact that we have peace with God and if there’s justice to be meted out, we can leave it to Him (Rom. 12.17-21).


Today’s Other Readings:


Judges 11 & 12:

A Rash Vow


Surely the story of Jephthah and his daughter is one of the harder to understand. Jephthah makes a vow to the Lord:

“If You will indeed deliver the people of Ammon into my hands, then it will be that whatever comes out of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the people of Ammon, shall surely be the Lord’s, and I will offer it up as a burnt offering” (vvs. 30-31).

Verses 34-35:

“When Jephthah came to his house at Mizpah, there was his daughter, coming out to meet him with timbrels and dancing; and she was his only child. Besides her he had neither son nor daughter. And it came to pass, when he saw her, that he tore his clothes, and said, “Alas, my daughter! You have brought me very low! You are among those who trouble me! For I have given my word to the Lord, and I cannot go back on it.”

His daughter’s response is quite amazing. Verses 36-37:

So she said to him, “My father, if you have given your word to the Lord, do to me according to what has gone out of your mouth, because the Lord has avenged you of your enemies, the people of Ammon.” Then she said to her father, “Let this thing be done for me: let me alone for two months, that I may go and wander on the mountains and bewail my virginity, my friends and I.”

We can’t be sure what this “sacrifice” actually was. One possibility is that her father actually sacrificed her. The other is that she became a perpetual virgin. Whatever it was, as John MacArthur said, “Jephthah made a rash vow to the Lord for which his daughter had to pay the primary consequence.”


A Daughter’s Faith & Trust


biblical womanHow could God use Jephthah after he made such a rash and foolish vow? How could He use Sampson with his weakness for women or Gideon who repeatedly tested Him before he would obey?

If we look honestly at our own lives we would have to wonder the same. It’s not a testimony to either the goodness or wickedness of those He uses, but a testimony to the mercy of God.

And I believe God reserved a special place in heaven for Jephthah’s daughter. What a great reward she must have received for her submissive heart and respect for her father, in spite of his shortcomings.

It reminds me of the men and women who were martyred for their faith during the Reformation where women handed over their children to family members and willingly walked to the stake to be burned alive rather than forsake their faith. However, misguided Jephthah’s vow, his daughter showed great faith and trust in God.


Psalm 50.7-15:

What God Wants


In this psalm God is upset with the people for their attitude concerning their sacrifices—their religious activity. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God is always searching the heart. God doesn’t need our money or our service or even our worship. He wants our hearts and when we do those things with the right motivation it is a demonstration of the love in our hearts and a sweet aroma to God.


Proverbs 14.28:

The King’s Honor


“In a multitude of people is a king’s honor, but in the lack of people is the downfall of a prince.”

It’s to a leader’s credit if his people prosper and grow and he will bear the dishonor if they don’t.

Matthew Henry adds this thought in regard to the kingdom of God, “And let all that wish well to the kingdom of Christ, and to his honour, do what they can in their places that many may be added to his church.”


What about you?

Have you ever made a rash vow? What did you do when you realized what you had done?

How is your relationship with God? Do you serve Him out of deep abiding love and trust or is it mere religious activity?

Is there someone you have failed to forgive because you don’t feel like it? How can you step out in faith and obedience?

Another unworthy servant,

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4 thoughts on ““How to Forgive When You’re Not Feeling It” April 23

  1. Your words remind me of a reply that I say almost everyday to our boys –particularly about their school work: You don’t have to feel like it. You just have to do it.

    Obedience comes hard sometimes, and forgiveness is a continual discipline, but God knows that our hearts were not designed to run on bitterness.

  2. Thank you for encouraging obedience even when we don’t feel like obeying. I, too, have said similar things to my kids. Makes me think of that verse “my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak . . .” Also makes me think of Corrie Ten Boom’s story about the concentration camp guard who asked for her forgiveness after he got saved. She struggled to forgive, but in the end knew that she had to if she expected God to forgive her. Powerful testimony for sure.

    Thanks for linking up at Literacy Musing Mondays!

    • That is such a powerful story. It never fails to bring tears to my eyes. Most of us can’t even imagine, the faith and trust it took that day when that guard reached out his had to her! Thanks for stopping by, Brandi.

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